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Author: Ontlogicalamity
ASL Info:    33/M/NY
Elite Ratio:    4.67 - 190 /194 /45
Words: 192
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1352
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1167


I wrote this about a year ago I think. It was to a woman whom I was somewhat enamoured with, and at the time she was enamoured with me back. We were up very late chatting, and she finally had to go to sleep, and said to write her an email, about anything. So I did, and it just came out. I haven't even touched it since. Amazing what you can do at 4 in the morning. Or maybe not so amazing. Tell me what you think.


This is an email about anything.
You asked me to write it for you.
The problem inherent in writing like that
Is having no object nor clue.

I've nothing that calls for my poetry now,
No pressure, no stress, and no sound
Of rockets and buzzards colliding inside
As my brain's rusty sprockets go round.

Yes, I am calm, and yes I am cool
I write from a place so serene
That even the thought of bad news being brought
Does nothing to darken the scene.

And why, might you ask, have I entered this state,
And why does the sun shine so bright?
No matter what clouds try to darken my day,
Why am I feeling so right?

The answer lies out on the table exposed,
Not hidden, nor covered, nor slight,
But rather in view for all those to see,
Those whom I direct to the sight.

You are the only one I'll show the way,
You're the only for whom it holds weight.
You are the reason and you are the rhyme.
And You are the one at the table this late.


Submitted on 2004-07-19 23:33:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Wow, talk about perfect flow and rhythm! Such a sweet poem, very nice writing! I really enjoyed the image in the second stanza as your brain as a machine, and your inner rhyme of "thought" and "brought" in the 3rd, that was nice. Ummmm... do I have anything negative to critique about at all? Be careful ending a line with "weight", because (excuse the explanation :P) it's a very "heavy" word metrically. Ummmm... that is the only thing I could possibly think of being leary of... you've done really great work here, I look forward to reading more!
| Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by Siven7 | [ Reply to This ]

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