[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Lost Paradisedots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 201
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1709
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1416

       I re-wrote as a poem

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Paradisedots

    It just started to rain,
    And in the flood
    I began to drowned.
    Distilled carcass,
    I remain,
    Water muting all sound.
    Dispersing soggy tissue,
    Pale and floating
    Like my soul.
    Everyone denies
    All the issues,
    Leaving you flammable
    Like hardened coal.
    Mundane body arise,
    But I can't see
    With scarred eyes.
    I'm searching the heavens
    For my lost paradise.
    Material wonders,
    I cherished.
    I bet on prophecies,
    Uncontrollable odds.
    Watched as everything I loved,
    Now I know there's no such thing
    As God.
    I'm trapped
    In Life's unholiness.
    It's my time to pay.
    The water rushes to my lungs,
    What a painful bliss.
    To the one that doesn't exist,
    I begin to pray.
    I only wish to find
    Eden's garden.
    To set my eyes upon
    Earth's gem.

    To The One that doesnt exist,
    Ask for pardon.
    I want to caress the forbidden
    Apple's tree stem.
    Ashen soul arise.
    The One forgave me
    For my nasty vices.
    I can see everything
    With weeping eyes.
    Now, I'm welcomed
    In Earth's only paradise.

    Submitted on 2004-02-11 17:30:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      beautiful isnít the word i want to use at all. so let me try to think of a better way to describe it. it reminded me of a time when i was in the coffee house watching the rays of sun dance with the rippling tides of smoke endlessly. thatís how this poem made me feel. its a great sense of distress and longing yet for some reason there is a very light but very bright hope. one of my favs. :-)
    | Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by lark | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful! The wording is so visionary. It sounds like a prayer. I wonder what the music would sound like though.
    | Posted on 2004-02-11 00:00:00 | by Voodoo_Lounge | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]