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Author: joezwells
Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 64 /79 /55
Words: 69
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 920
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 486



reasons forgotten
lies colide
bridges are burnt
sunddenly brought back to size

pedastool broken
your throwns been denyed
cares start to vanish
you were living a lie

the world as you knew it
has slowly slipped away
anticipation burns
awaiting a new day

the pains always there
you ignore it while you can
escape it with flight
but its waiting when you land

Submitted on 2009-09-08 22:21:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  i think if i could issue you one challenge it would be to find your own way of saying what it is you are trying to get across. ive read a couple of your pieces now and i can ascertain two key things:

one. you have stuff to say
two. you need to find your own voice instead of echoing all those before you.

finding your own voice is a process. a journey. but its one that you need to start! try to find new ways of saying old things.

the thing with poetry is that we use limited words and so it is easy to take words and phrases that other people have made work but in doing that our poetry just sounds like regurgitated nothing... you know?

for example-- these following lines from your piece are what we know as clichés. clichés are good things because they are the best and easiest found way to say something but theyre not good when we are trying to set ourselves apart from everyone else as writers

bridges are burnt
brought back to size

pedastool broken
your throwns been denyed

you were living a lie

the world as you knew it
has slowly slipped away

what i would encourage you to do is try to take this poem you have here and work out first what it is you are trying to say. what is your over all message?

and then try to create some imagery that helps you bring your message in a new way. a way that no one else has used before.

see if you can give that a whirl and PM me what you come up with i think you'll surprise yourself if you give it a shot. it will be hard but it will also be the start of something wonderful!

oh... and you prolly want to make friends with spellcheck if youre gonna be posting in the future

| Posted on 2009-09-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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