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    dots Submission Name: escape?dots

    Author: joezwells
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 64/78/54
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 601
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 486


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    reasons forgotten
    lies colide
    bridges are burnt
    sunddenly brought back to size

    pedastool broken
    your throwns been denyed
    cares start to vanish
    you were living a lie

    the world as you knew it
    has slowly slipped away
    anticipation burns
    awaiting a new day

    the pains always there
    you ignore it while you can
    escape it with flight
    but its waiting when you land

    Submitted on 2009-09-08 22:21:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i think if i could issue you one challenge it would be to find your own way of saying what it is you are trying to get across. ive read a couple of your pieces now and i can ascertain two key things:

    one. you have stuff to say
    two. you need to find your own voice instead of echoing all those before you.

    finding your own voice is a process. a journey. but its one that you need to start! try to find new ways of saying old things.

    the thing with poetry is that we use limited words and so it is easy to take words and phrases that other people have made work but in doing that our poetry just sounds like regurgitated nothing... you know?

    for example-- these following lines from your piece are what we know as clichés. clichés are good things because they are the best and easiest found way to say something but theyre not good when we are trying to set ourselves apart from everyone else as writers

    bridges are burnt
    brought back to size

    pedastool broken
    your throwns been denyed

    you were living a lie

    the world as you knew it
    has slowly slipped away

    what i would encourage you to do is try to take this poem you have here and work out first what it is you are trying to say. what is your over all message?

    and then try to create some imagery that helps you bring your message in a new way. a way that no one else has used before.

    see if you can give that a whirl and PM me what you come up with i think you'll surprise yourself if you give it a shot. it will be hard but it will also be the start of something wonderful!

    oh... and you prolly want to make friends with spellcheck if youre gonna be posting in the future

    | Posted on 2009-09-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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