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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Love Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 452
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 965



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Love Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like a dove slowly soaring high above
    so is my head filled with your love.
    What honey means to bee
    is what you are to me..

    I never knew what you'd mean to me
    until i saw such soft beauty in thee.
    How i love your controlled cool caress
    stroking me softly - setting me free..
    My sweetest love - my game of chess..

    I feel so humbly high smitten atop a cloud..
    Your love truly shapes and makes me proud.
    I never want it bent or come to an end.
    These sacred feelings - my ultimate trend..

    I am ever grateful to share with you in full.
    Thank you for standing by me and pulling me through.
    Bless you my sweet flower for sharing your healing power.
    Only thanks and praise i can give for your sweet sharing ways.

    My heart knows only you as being true.
    All i want to truly say is I Love You.

    -Svw




    Submitted on 2009-09-09 16:39:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I see you mentioned reciprication somewhere, that and people not even saying thanks really [censored]/s me off esp the voiders who don't acknowledge you having spent time on there work.

    I don't know if you'll thank me for this but it's offered with a good heart and the right intent.

    For me this is very rhyme driven with a lot of the phrases seeming unconnected but for the rhyme.

    I was thinking the other day about writing a rhyming tutorial: not that I'm the shi/t just that I'm better than a bunch here and have an idea of certain mechanical aspects and trickes etc that help out a lot. I'd suggest you go read on of my sonnets, which is in a controlled meter, or even better go read some famous dudes sonnet and see how they fit the conetnt in and work within a theme while still managing to rhyme. You may notice a difference, and while that's going to be obviouswhen comparing poems against the work of famous guys, our aim should be to make those differences less visable.

    I feel this poem could be so much better and would be ifthe rhyme served you, and the lines served the rhyme.

    DB
    | Posted on 2009-12-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      That was truly amazing!! Nice wirk but you should have a nice and easy stanza to go with that nice poem. When you're writing a poem count the syllables and make sure that they match. For instance:


    My love for you is a steady breeze
    it will shine for you on the midnight seas.

    See how those to lines have a rhyming scheme and the syllables match that's the way it should be!
    Count on your fingers the syllables!!

    My is one syllable.
    love is one syllable
    for is one syllable
    you is one syllable
    is is one syllable
    a is one syllable
    steady is two syllables

    so i think you get my drift and if you put it all together than you get nine syllables in all Get it?? If you don't than write me bach and i'll give you lessons!!
    | Posted on 2009-09-30 00:00:00 | by vannamay | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very sweet, would make an excellent Valentines. "thee" in anything makes me think of lace. Weird, yes, but steadfast. I like it. Especially the game of chess part... nice touch.
    | Posted on 2009-09-09 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


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    178330

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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