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    dots Submission Name: moved by thisdots

    Author: denial
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 119/82/34
    Words: 309
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 845
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1607

       I havnt posted to elite in over 2 years i think. I guess i havnt felt like i could write in a very very long time. i live in Montreal now. I wrote this about a particular person this past summer and i have nearly forgotten it all together. this isnt perfect, it just reminds me of what i thought i couldnt do anymore. and its strange and pleasantly surprising and mostly because its the perfect example of how i am and am not the same person.
    anyways, thoughts would be nice. Oh, and the last line is a throwaway from a Weakerthans song. I guess i just didnt know how to end it right.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmoved by thisdots

    tell me how i can not be moved by this. tell me why i ever left.
    i cant love, i cant be stone. you're particularly striking, not your jaws
    not your easy eyes, but that sweater youve worn out and the pen you dribble in your mouth. i want to suck it off. i want
    to rip it from your lips and see you bleed, such dark red that would enable this dream to be not such.
    the skys fading, quick, quick, i pray my duracells are lit up, i pray god's eyes are too.
    its gone and its still. where it hums, it now just lulls. just voids, just vacuums without debris.
    i start to forget the third day of a weekend, when youre out sick on pneumonia or which ever lie your brother concocted.
    you live within rabbit homocide dreams and bins of screener dvds.
    tell me how i am to be unmoved.
    by the silence, by the color, by the light you force upon my eyes and the rain that drool on my skin.
    i havnt found a way to love. not yet, but i am no stone.

    tell me how i'm not to be moved, and i will give you the answers to tomorrows crossword puzzle.
    when the sky is this color, i break mad dash for the door.
    when gods feet touch this fine earth it was once, presently, we shall be ash. and god will be a scream
    and this color will never exist outside of the slant of sunray and this soft spot of anvil. we are so heavy.
    heavy with rain and pain and guilt and boredom until we cant any more. like a child not yet learned to potty train.
    like all the birthday cards i threw away.

    Submitted on 2009-09-10 22:03:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the title, and I think the central idea is your best point here.

    Since you have changed so much, I think it would be very interesting to re-write this same poem, taking everything away but "Tell me how I can not be moved by this."

    Maybe now you are moved more, or less, or by different things.

    Not only could it turn out to be a great poem, but it could also be a life-excercise, showing you how you've changed. Sometimes it's hard to see your own changes until someone reminds you. Writing is even better because it's in your own words.

    My favourite Weakerthans song is Left and Leaving. I think it's OK to take ideas from books, songs, and poems of others, but it's important to change the words. I think up to 5 words are allowed to be the same, more than that is plagiarism. Of course, if you're writing for your own pleasure, it doesn't matter, and the ideas of others can be a great catalyst.
    However, if it's to share with the public, you would need to change those words, or at least one of them in the centre to break it up.

    | Posted on 2009-09-11 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]

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