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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: pain of the earthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dGeRzEzEyN
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 3/2/2
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 48
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 681



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspain of the earthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the wind blows violently through the trees
    it makes them creak and moan
    they are in so much pain and toil
    their leaves rustling is the sound of
    tears falling to the ground
    soon the sky will join in with the trees
    in a violent storm of pain and sadness
    giant rain drops are its tears
    the dark clouds mirror its dark mood
    the whole earth is mourning its loss
    but what is this great loss the earth has suffered
    what could cause the world so much pain
    could it be humanity
    could it really be us that inflicts so much pain
    upon the poor earth

    ...Created 2009-09-11 16:16:16




    Submitted on 2009-09-11 16:22:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is quite a good idea for a poem, but if you are serious about your poetry and if you think your poem is worth it, then you should proof-read it for grammar and punctuation.

    I don't mean to insult you, but this is the least you could do.

    The wind blows violently through the trees.
    It makes them creak and moan,
    they are in so much pain and toil.
    Their leaves rustling is the sound of
    tears falling to the ground.
    Soon the sky will join in with the trees
    in a violent storm of pain and sadness.
    Giant rain drops are its tears;
    the dark clouds mirror its dark mood;
    the whole earth is mourning its loss.
    But what is this great loss the earth has suffered?
    What could cause the world so much pain?
    Could it be humanity?
    Could it really be we that inflict so much pain
    upon the poor earth?

    Not to punctuate at all does not make your work any more of a poem.

    My next point might be even more painful for you to read, as I am certain that this is your genuine, heartfelt attempt to write a poem, but much of what you have written could be described as clichés. Rain as teardrops is nothing new. When you are writing a poem, you are trying to create something new. You should always consider your vocabulary and your imagery to try and ensure you are being original.
    | Posted on 2009-09-11 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this a lot. the descriptiveness of it, the mood. the first 10 lines i was in love with, for some reason the ending lost me, but its still great over all. peace and love.
    | Posted on 2009-09-11 00:00:00 | by Theophilus | [ Reply to This ]



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