Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Through Filter, Obsidiandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sheakhan
    ASL Info:    22/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    5.66 - 167/183/82
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 49
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 636



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThrough Filter, Obsidiandots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's one more hasty retreat,
    a laceration hard to treat
    a salve, a flask, a hard red sweet
    to lessen what was done.

    A spoonful more should do the trick
    another swig, hot sharp and quick
    a pull until there's only slick
    glass, where fullness used to be.

    Contended sighs, I'll never breath,
    fluid placebo bitter sweet,
    a terrible harmonic beat
    to swallow up the ache.

    These portents are not absolute,
    nor this sentiment resolute,
    the heavier thoughts persist, pollute
    and rot I, in my stand.




    Submitted on 2009-09-13 00:46:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm going to leave you a [censored]ty elite comment here. I liked it. I don't have much to comment on, though I believe you mean "breathe" and not "breath" in the 3rd stanza.

    Anywho, good stuff. Glad you're blissful.
    | Posted on 2009-10-21 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, interesting read, lots of images to absorb here, alot of thoughts and emotions too. I loved the line "to lessen what was done" this holds a lot of meanings and puts punch into what has been said before. The flow is consistent although i have to say the final stanza did not quite fit well for me with the rest of the piece, it seems to be lacking something, i am not quite sure what, maybe you just need to say what was said in a different light? Anyways i enjoyed it and it was quite original to say the least. Powerful and thought evoking. Thanks for sharing!

    :-)

    -Svw
    | Posted on 2009-09-13 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178429



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry