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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I love ribbons and cotton candies~dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rubymoon
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 155/162/91
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 765
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 616



    Description:
       I think it doesn't fully convey what I wanted it to... I am looking for suggestions and impressions and anything at all


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI love ribbons and cotton candies~dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I love ribbons and cotton candies~

    Ribbons in my hair and in my mouth, cotton candy…
    A girl’s dream of sweet heaven…
    Lovely long flowing ribbons, trailing after me,
    Clouds so sweet and tasty,
    Oh those angels, they’re lucky!

    I love ribbons and cotton candies~

    Ribbons round my wrists and in the air, cotton candy…
    A woman’s dream of euphoric heaven…
    Lovely long flowing ribbons, binding me
    Making love so sweet and sinfully,
    Oh those angels, they must envy!

    I love ribbons and cotton candies~




    Submitted on 2009-09-13 04:43:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was a good idea you chose but i feel you could have made it come across a bit better. You could have used a bit more of an expressive tone or more descriptive wording. It is a good piece but it lacks color, having said that i can also add that it gets a bit repetitive in parts, you could alleviate this by adding a bit more 'flesh' to the piece or just spacing it out more with some more expressions or ideas to come back to with each repetition. Still i have to say it was good overall but it could be great. Thanks for sharing this, i feel there is potential still.

    :-)

    -Svw
    | Posted on 2009-09-13 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


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