I love ribbons and cotton candies~ by rubymoon

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Submission Name: I love ribbons and cotton candies~ dots

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Author:	rubymoon
Elite Ratio:	4.1 - 146/150/83
Words:	91

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	65
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	616

Description:
I think it doesn't fully convey what I wanted it to... I am looking for suggestions and impressions and anything at all

I love ribbons and cotton candies~ dots

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I love ribbons and cotton candies~

Ribbons in my hair and in my mouth, cotton candy…
A girl’s dream of sweet heaven…
Lovely long flowing ribbons, trailing after me,
Clouds so sweet and tasty,
Oh those angels, they’re lucky!

I love ribbons and cotton candies~

Ribbons round my wrists and in the air, cotton candy…
A woman’s dream of euphoric heaven…
Lovely long flowing ribbons, binding me
Making love so sweet and sinfully,
Oh those angels, they must envy!

I love ribbons and cotton candies~

Submitted on 2009-09-13 04:43:12 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
This was a good idea you chose but i feel you could have made it come across a bit better. You could have used a bit more of an expressive tone or more descriptive wording. It is a good piece but it lacks color, having said that i can also add that it gets a bit repetitive in parts, you could alleviate this by adding a bit more 'flesh' to the piece or just spacing it out more with some more expressions or ideas to come back to with each repetition. Still i have to say it was good overall but it could be great. Thanks for sharing this, i feel there is potential still.

:-)

-Svw
| Posted on 2009-09-13 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

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