Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When You're Alonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Eyamma
    ASL Info:    16/Sry, I'm taken/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 22/21/77
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 632
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 883



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen You're Alonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    It’s amazing the mysteries hidden beneath your skin
    It’s amazing the things you realize alone
    Reflecting back on your past a numbness wraps around you
    Then you see so many things you never would accept
    You let go of your pain; of all of your downfalls
    You let the darkness surrounding you embrace your sins
    You do not cry for the ones you have lost
    You do not cry for the things you just couldn’t do
    You do not cry from the pain this causes
    A small smile tugs at the corner of your mouth
    Realizing that time is only an illusion
    You know the end of your fate before it comes
    Showing you the importance of finding that beauty
    You search for within
    When you’re alone inside there is an inner peace…
    Because you know the demons coming for you
    Are really freeing you.




    Submitted on 2009-09-14 13:43:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this would read better if L3 was:
    'Reflecting back on your past a numbness wraps around you'
    I think that's more powerful than 'a sort of numbness'.

    And I think a little grammar could go a long long way... maybe some full stops, get rid of those unneeded commas, it would help the overall appearance of this.

    It's a nice message. Very zen.

    Aly
    | Posted on 2009-10-10 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178492

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Giving written by jjd
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Bond written by saartha
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    untitled written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry