Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Little Things We Sharedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: trynfinity
    ASL Info:    38/f/California
    Elite Ratio:    4.43 - 149/145/91
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 551
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 787



    Description:
       The little things that you share with the one you love that are just between you two.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Little Things We Sharedots
    -------------------------------------------




    I know I shouldn't wonder
    but at times I often do.
    Do you share with her the little things
    that we share between us two.

    Are they just as special
    as the first time they were done?
    Shared only between us
    when still we were as one.

    I know it shouldn't matter
    it shouldn't change the way I feel.
    But the little things of ours
    were mine and they were real.

    I'm sorry that I question
    that I have trouble keeping faith.
    That hope sometimes forgets me
    amd my foundation loses strength.

    But in the end I love you
    forever I always will.
    Little things and all
    they're apart of what we feel.




    Submitted on 2009-09-15 03:19:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      more about the "foundation" would be good here...
    i kind of agree with the previous comment...although this would make good lyrics for a song ----definitely....

    as a poem, yes, maybe stretch it a bit more...metaphorical is always good...direct statement doesn't create as much imagery for us...and doesn't work on the imagination as much as we would like a poem to...

    just thoughts..

    as lyrics...love it...as a poem...could work it a little.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I?m not going to say this isn't touching or anything like that, that would be false and unreasonable. what i will say though, is that no doubt this comes from your heart, all that while it doesnt feel all that original, you know? i mean these are those situations that would usually call for some sort of imagery, or metaphorical statement, none except this were in there

    "That hope sometimes forgets me
    amd my foundation loses strength."
    just to let you know you have a typo there...
    but seriously this was your best line here, i felt it showed us inside of you, i was looking for more lines like that,-- that sort of wording that cuts away part of the outer layer of skin so we can see who you are on the inside.... overall this is pretty good, its sincere... and i guess that s all it really needs to be....
    | Posted on 2009-09-15 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178516

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Push written by JanePlane
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    To written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    This written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry