[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Little Things We Sharedots

    Author: trynfinity
    ASL Info:    38/f/California
    Elite Ratio:    4.43 - 149/145/91
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 499
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 787

       The little things that you share with the one you love that are just between you two.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Little Things We Sharedots

    I know I shouldn't wonder
    but at times I often do.
    Do you share with her the little things
    that we share between us two.

    Are they just as special
    as the first time they were done?
    Shared only between us
    when still we were as one.

    I know it shouldn't matter
    it shouldn't change the way I feel.
    But the little things of ours
    were mine and they were real.

    I'm sorry that I question
    that I have trouble keeping faith.
    That hope sometimes forgets me
    amd my foundation loses strength.

    But in the end I love you
    forever I always will.
    Little things and all
    they're apart of what we feel.

    Submitted on 2009-09-15 03:19:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      more about the "foundation" would be good here...
    i kind of agree with the previous comment...although this would make good lyrics for a song ----definitely....

    as a poem, yes, maybe stretch it a bit more...metaphorical is always good...direct statement doesn't create as much imagery for us...and doesn't work on the imagination as much as we would like a poem to...

    just thoughts..

    as lyrics...love it...as a poem...could work it a little.

    | Posted on 2011-04-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I?m not going to say this isn't touching or anything like that, that would be false and unreasonable. what i will say though, is that no doubt this comes from your heart, all that while it doesnt feel all that original, you know? i mean these are those situations that would usually call for some sort of imagery, or metaphorical statement, none except this were in there

    "That hope sometimes forgets me
    amd my foundation loses strength."
    just to let you know you have a typo there...
    but seriously this was your best line here, i felt it showed us inside of you, i was looking for more lines like that,-- that sort of wording that cuts away part of the outer layer of skin so we can see who you are on the inside.... overall this is pretty good, its sincere... and i guess that s all it really needs to be....
    | Posted on 2009-09-15 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]