Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Solely Second Bestdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 466
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1018



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSolely Second Bestdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel so alone at times
    I spend time with people
    But I don't think they realize
    The inner workings of my mind

    They have their own worries
    With other people in their lives
    They have someone to go home to
    Some form of escape from their strives

    When I spend time with people
    They see it differently
    "Have fun with someone new"
    I don't have that luxury

    Because when they are away
    They lack my isolation
    They always have someone
    Some social sensation

    Sure I have something
    Time to myself
    But I'd trade it in gladly
    For said social wealth

    I remember being like them
    About pulled out my hair
    But all the stress in the world
    Wouldn't keep me from there

    I know I'm not alone
    In this state of mind
    And a silver lining is somewhere
    But regret is all I find




    Submitted on 2009-09-16 06:34:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty plain and straightforward in it's message and the way it is relayed to the reader. I get feelings of desperation and hopelessness, this is a dark piece but i feel it needs more impact and more descriptions, it is kind of trying to describe sorrow while looking happy. I think if you spice it up with a bit of extra emotions and color then this could be a much more powerful piece. At the moment it kind of just drags along. But a good concept no less. Thanks for sharing.

    :-0

    -Svw
    | Posted on 2009-09-16 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178553

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry