Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your Shadows Take My Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Demon__666
    ASL Info:    20/f/Oklahoma
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 312/359/124
    Words: 281
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 576
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1662



    Description:
       :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Shadows Take My Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Its so hard to understand why you pushed away.
    You didnt want to touch me.
    I tried everything to make you see.
    I do still love you, I just cant save you.

    I dont know how you think
    I do not prove my love
    Cant show to you
    What i dont get too.

    I gave you all i could,
    But it was never enough.
    So you went to her.
    And gave all your love.

    Its never an easy phrase.
    I love you is hardly ment now days,
    When i looked you in the eyes
    All i saw was "I love you lies"

    Yet you say i am the one
    Who never cared, Who Never loved,
    Dont ever think you waited alone,
    When i needed you the most,
    You just walked away.

    Yes times change,
    And yes people too
    If Love has to die,
    Then with it does my life.

    The chance to try is gone,
    In your game i was a pawn,
    You so delicately played me,
    Now heres te chance to save me.

    The debt is paied with my blood,
    My heart ripped out Dropped into the mud.
    The band aid for the mortal wound,
    Will wear off with tears from your eyes soon,.

    You just had to tell me,
    What i was doing wrong,
    I could have tried to fix it,
    But instead you continued to break it.

    My time is near,
    My death, My dear,
    This is the end,
    Your Love for me a sin.

    Do not take in vain,
    Or forsake my name,
    And now my conscious turns blue.
    Know that i Always loved you.




    Submitted on 2009-09-16 14:43:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      there were a few lines that really stood out to me. "I do still love you, I just cant save you."
    especially, i can relate to it all too well. ive dealt with a simalar situation..its just not worth it. but with trials come errors..and errors provide knowledge.
    it was a good piece..tho i think it got a little sloppy from the middle to end..
    | Posted on 2009-09-18 00:00:00 | by FadedSilence | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178568

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    prison written by ShyOne
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Carry written by saartha
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Love written by saartha
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry