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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: uninspired post of todaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: armand
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 1173/1189/206
    Words: 36
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 786
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 230



    Description:
       have no title (help)
    have no inspiration (help)



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuninspired post of todaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    pushing, pulling and tearing
    at the soul
    scraping the bottom just to
    make the days past by
    longing to when we where children
    before innocence was lost and laughter wasn't
    a memory




    Submitted on 2009-09-21 15:36:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      pushing, pulling, tearing at the soul
    scraping the bottom
    to make the days pass by
    longing for our childhood
    before innocence was lost
    and laughter became a memory


    I can hear the "uninspired" echo of these words as they reflect the author's inward struggle: "I have nothing to say, but I know I need to say something because underneath all these words some thing important is waiting to be said." At least that's what I'm gathering from this write. I also attempted a modest edit to your original (which you may use or ignore as you see fit).

    Bill
    | Posted on 2012-08-14 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      What's funny is when people grow up they often do lose inspiration. Every new days the one before and we rarely break out of the mold. I too actually like the title you have given this.. Embrace your inner child Shawn and do something stupid today and let that be your inspiration :)
    | Posted on 2012-08-14 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      This has such a melacholic tone. I like the title too because you're looking toward the past for that lost joie de vivre. Everyone can relate to that. Hopefully we can still find just enough wonder in the world to keep us going.


    pushing, pulling and tearing
    at the soul
    scraping the bottom just to
    make the days past by

    I think the line breaks on the prepositions are a bit odd, but they have some graces because it forces you to read the following lines. I thinbk it should be "days pass" as well, and I don't think you need "by," but take everything I say with a grain of salt.

    longing to when we where children
    before innocence was lost and laughter wasn't
    a memory

    Perhaps "longing for" sounds a bit more natural.

    Nicely done,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2011-09-03 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I like the title as a title, I think it suits the malencholy tone of this. Perhaps just 'uninspired'- not to describe the piece, but the place where it comes from, that feeling of being flat, and bleh, and yeah, uninspired.I think it works.

    This was short, and nice, sad, but I thought maybe it could do with a little refining. I mean, when a piece is as short as this, and the writing is this pared back, all the wasted words stick out like sore thumbs, do you know what I mean?

    So maybe it could read:

    'pushing, pulling, tearing
    at the soul, (comma?)
    scraping the bottom just to
    make the days pass by (typo)
    longing (for?) when we were children
    before innocence was lost
    and laughter wasn't (I thought a line break?)
    a memory

    Ok, sorry if I just took liberties with your work.
    I liked the feel of this poem, the simplicity of the words, the nostalgia. I love nostalgia :)

    Aly
    | Posted on 2009-09-30 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      pushing
    pulling
    and tearing at the soul

    scraping the bottom just to
    make the days pass by
    longing for when we where children
    before innocence was lost
    and laughter wasn't a memory

    short and sweet indeed. it seems somewhat inspired, a place that's a tad bit melancholic, but something not uninspired. try not to be so hard on yourself.

    maybe something like cycles
    maybe something like fading

    idk i'm terrible with that kind of help most of the times. i did a little editing and i hope you don't mind. thought it might be of a little use. i like that it short it sums things up appropriately.

    as far as inspiration, just write. idk. don't be afraid to write [censored], and this isn't by the way, but i don't think it hurts just to play around with ideas, and i don't kn ow if i can help with the process directly cuz i just don't really understand my own in any way that's direct. i kind of just shoot in the dark, or scramble towards the light or something equally phrased in deuchiosos terms.

    what was i saying about being not har on onesself. meh. bl;ah. excuse. deflection. etc.

    i like it, and i like to see you posting something, anything. for me it takes a good bit of time to really start connecting. i say frequency as far as inspiration. inspiration can come from anything. idk. hopefully this isn't useless. laters. take care.
    | Posted on 2009-09-23 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes indeed the days of the past are haunting as we progress in life and innocence becomes more of a distant memory and we feel so much separation and an increase thereof with each passing day. The days we were young were actually the best days of our lives but we often fail to see this when we are there and often wish for those days to pass so we can be 'adults' or 'grownups'.

    a good piece, got me thinking and reminiscing over good days buried in the past and never attainable again.

    Short and sweet,this.
    | Posted on 2009-09-22 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


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