Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cleaning Up Afterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mojymo
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 50/59/41
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 461
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1215



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCleaning Up Afterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I honestly didn't know my head was going to do that.
    You gotta believe me.

    But maybe you shouldn't.

    For the last week,
    each friend has had a hand in my stomach,
    grasped some twirly intestines
    and squeezed until they oozed
    and made those tasty squelching noises.

    My parents insist on my ribcage.

    They grip their teeth on the lowest one
    and snap off a rib.
    CRACK.
    And the dust of the bones
    sprinkles down on my guts like sugar,
    hanging below my waist,
    a mutilated birthday cake.

    My mother starts to chew,
    but her anesthetic teeth crumble,
    sailing to the kitchen floor,
    bouncing off the glaring wood.

    My father chews heartily,
    a glutton for the tender meat still
    swinging from the bone.
    The flesh slides down his throat with ease.

    Above me, God is laughing,
    shining his fluorescent light on my skin.
    Around me, those I cherish
    hold tightly to their dissected treasures,
    each unwilling to set me free.

    End: 10:48 pm
    Thurs. Sept. 10, 09




    Submitted on 2009-09-21 21:10:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Woa, grotesque and horrific haha! This is true of most families the way they hold on to us, never wanting to let go, it is sad sometimes to feel like we are unable to move on or away when we get pulled in by them every time.

    wonderful images and great choice of words, this was another intense production i see.

    my favorite part was about the bones crumbling to dust like sugar falling down on the rest of the body and intestines, truly gory and horrendous hehe.
    i liked this piece, cannot wait for the next!
    | Posted on 2009-09-22 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178699

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fasade written by jackz
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Etiquette written by saartha
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    prison written by ShyOne
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    You read free written by poetotoe
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry