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    dots Submission Name: When the Last Petal Fallsdots

    Author: SavedDragon
    Elite Ratio:    3.62 - 302/257/81
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 928
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 574


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen the Last Petal Fallsdots

    It's the last drop of water left
    It's what hangs on by a single thread
    It's the last gasp for air, a last breathe
    It's the last minute of life before death

    It's the last second of a new hour
    The seed before the springing flower
    Gray clouds before a shower
    It's sweet before it's sour

    It's a love that has faded
    It's the sunset before the moon
    It's the light before heaven calls
    It's a dead red rose once the last petal falls.

    Submitted on 2009-09-22 23:54:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Thank you for reading poem! I will consider making those change for sure..thanks again.
    | Posted on 2009-09-24 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice piece. The way you move with one subject, describing it so eloquently.

    I think in the first stanza you mean "breath" instead of "breathe."

    Not sure if you're looking for any suggestions, but I might try

    "It's the sweet before the sour"

    Overall though this is very very solid, with a knockout last line (and title). Dead Red Rose might even make a great band name.

    Anywho, I like this. It stays true to form and subject, and doesn't try to be more than it is. Makes me think of fleeting moments and bittersweet endings you know are just around the corner.

    Nice write
    | Posted on 2009-09-23 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      You are wasting this here... seriously.
    You should contact someone in the music biz, and let them know you have written the perfect female country love ballad... minus the divorce and cheating and cliché abundance that is overplayed.

    No, this is more like one of those old classics.
    | Posted on 2009-09-23 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]

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