Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When the Last Petal Fallsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SavedDragon
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 303/258/84
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1317
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 574



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen the Last Petal Fallsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's the last drop of water left
    It's what hangs on by a single thread
    It's the last gasp for air, a last breathe
    It's the last minute of life before death

    It's the last second of a new hour
    The seed before the springing flower
    Gray clouds before a shower
    It's sweet before it's sour

    It's a love that has faded
    It's the sunset before the moon
    It's the light before heaven calls
    It's a dead red rose once the last petal falls.




    Submitted on 2009-09-22 23:54:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Thank you for reading poem! I will consider making those change for sure..thanks again.
    | Posted on 2009-09-24 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice piece. The way you move with one subject, describing it so eloquently.

    I think in the first stanza you mean "breath" instead of "breathe."

    Not sure if you're looking for any suggestions, but I might try

    "It's the sweet before the sour"

    Overall though this is very very solid, with a knockout last line (and title). Dead Red Rose might even make a great band name.

    Anywho, I like this. It stays true to form and subject, and doesn't try to be more than it is. Makes me think of fleeting moments and bittersweet endings you know are just around the corner.

    Nice write
    | Posted on 2009-09-23 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      You are wasting this here... seriously.
    You should contact someone in the music biz, and let them know you have written the perfect female country love ballad... minus the divorce and cheating and cliché abundance that is overplayed.

    No, this is more like one of those old classics.
    | Posted on 2009-09-23 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178766

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    like any good spartan written by Daniel Barlow
    Roots written by Chelebel
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Global Death Do Incite written by MyPeriodical
    Bleeding part two written by MyPeriodical
    The written by Hazy skies
    a given written by Daniel Barlow
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Position written by Daniel Barlow
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    being direct, it's written by Daniel Barlow
    Ahem written by Daniel Barlow
    Cannot Assimilate written by Daniel Barlow
    At The Bottom written by MyPeriodical
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ballad written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled#1 written by Daniel Barlow
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Terrified part three written by MyPeriodical
    Sweet You written by Daniel Barlow
    Things become tangled written by Daniel Barlow
    Yearn written by saartha
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Sun-meeting written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry