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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Pyre"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 214
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 949
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1664



    Description:
       Inspired by Nikkki. Thanks for the gore!

    It's all fiction.

    Offcourse.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Pyre"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Droning with indifference and fallacy,
    she marched, toting banners of hate adorned with my fecal-smeared face,
    Laughing, thinking weakness my boon,
    tracing my every breath with bile,
    passing puss off as truth.

    I sprang the vacuuming pyre,
    an infernal pit of absolution,
    special madness cultured,
    crafted to her silhouette
    and magnetic to sin.
    Blind to this, she leapt.

    Abstinence wasn't in season.
    Inevatibility beared no masks.

    I glimpsed in approval
    as her face cracking with fear,
    assembled to fury.
    It flew by like a murder
    of crows vortexed to execution.
    Her rage so intoxicating,
    fiddled my emotions.
    I almost leaked saline.

    Oh how her nails creaked backwards,
    liberated of their fleshy anchors,
    popping free one a turn.
    Her actions - feeble and crispy,
    trying to ascend molten jaggedness.
    Flailing mass in rapid decline.

    A soothing cacophony,
    crackles and wails, formed the music
    as I gazed into the glowing abyss
    to admire her waltzing with death,
    her beauty escalating with each tread.

    Darting motions quiet down,
    indicating timely applause.


    Savoury sensations of ash
    cuddled my nasal orifices,
    groping with scathing embraces
    as I inhaled her charred essence,
    holding each breath prisoner.
    Her demise, orgasmic.

    She would have felt the same...

    -Svw




    Submitted on 2009-09-24 05:25:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "A soothing cacophony,
    crackles and wails, formed the music
    as I gazed into the glowing abyss
    to admire her waltzing with death,
    her beauty escalating with each tread."

    Oh. My. God.

    Portrayal of murderous wrath, indeed. I think this may be the best hate poem, if I may so crudely label it that, that I've ever seen.

    "Holding each breath prisoner"

    Favorite line, besides the previously mentioned one about this unfortunate female's nails. Obviously you were furious or at least irked while writing this... and I could definitely feel it coming off the screen. Perfect. And I don't say that often.

    Slainte,

    DW
    | Posted on 2009-12-05 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
      Dude, do you realize how good this is? You use beauty and horror in equal measure to keep a balance between intent and the "too-dramatic". It never sounds cheap or overdone.

    Abstinence wasn't in season.
    Inevatibility beared no masks.

    I glimpsed in approval
    as her face cracking with fear,
    assembled to fury.
    It flew by like a murder
    of crows vortexed to execution.
    Her rage so intoxicating,
    fiddled my emotions.
    I almost leaked saline.

    Oh how her nails creaked backwards,
    liberated of their fleshy anchors,
    popping free one a turn.
    Her actions - feeble and crispy,
    trying to ascend molten jaggedness.
    Flailing mass in rapid decline.

    This is the heart of the poem.

    Abstinence wasn't in season.
    Inevatibility beared no masks.

    These lines are so good I'm jealous. Seriously. In the deluge of images and action, these two lines stand out like an island broadcasting what all this is about.

    I honestly wouldn't change anything. This reads loose, but it's obvious there was A GREAT DEAL of time invested in this.

    I am coming back soon. Very soon.

    Be cool, man. You have ripping talent.
    | Posted on 2009-12-02 00:00:00 | by Hollander | [ Reply to This ]
      Holy Hell.

    First words to pop into my head, and the first words I thought of at the end.

    Your description was flawless. I haven't found a detail that I did not like. Your message at the end sent the message in such an exquisite way that I must agree with the wondrous Nikkki, there are no distinguishable favorite parts.

    I applaud your ability to write something so...well...vivid and still retain a poetic story telling type of..well..thing.

    Yeah I'm at a lost for words but I'm again extremely impressed.

    This is beautiful in its own way.

    ~Nikki
    | Posted on 2009-09-26 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]
      Yessssss! haha That was sick and disturbing.. and perfect. I love it.
    Well worded descriptions. It's a gorgeous display of terrible things. I can't remember the last time I was this impressed by something I read.
    I'd normally choose a favorite part but, i can't. The whole thing is amazing. I love that it tells a story and still remains completely poetic.
    I can only give you compliments. Whoever you got the inspiration from must be brilliant ;)
    haha

    Great job! This is definitely a favorite.

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2009-09-26 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      "Oh how her nails creaked backwards,
    liberated of their fleshy anchors,"
    i love this line, have you ever listened to Pig Destroyer, you dont have to, but you could definately write songs for them. this is some angry stuff made really pretty. liked it, but the beginning conjures up some nasty visuals, puss, bile, feces. i dunno about you holmes, i dont like to write about doo doo, lol.

    nice read
    keep it up
    | Posted on 2009-09-25 00:00:00 | by ghad | [ Reply to This ]
      I really think she would have... LOL, but you know my theory.

    Working through our rage issues, are we? I like the anger portrayed. Better to write it down, than beat it out on their canvases (ie bodies)... it never stands up in court to say, "I'm an artist, your honor, and I was studying blue by using her body as my palette..."

    | Posted on 2009-09-24 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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