In Your Head by nikita2u

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Submission Name: In Your Head dots

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Author:	nikita2u
ASL Info:	20 Female And In Love
Elite Ratio:	8 - 388/365/227
Words:	133

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	67
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	861

Description:
It doesn't make sense

it's madness

even if you can define it you can't really understand it

so take everything I say with a grain of salt damn it

In Your Head dots

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A single grain of sanity, leaking away. The winds
take you within their firm grasp as landscapes change to accommodate the growing madness.

A disease of such tenderness, each thought an aching torment, a testimony of sanctity now lost
to those among us.

Pressure of thinking in a straight line, each another
thought linear to the one before. Insane overdoses
all collected in the minds that now lay vacant.

A small quiver of hope, extinguished, as the
vast desert before us twitch with numbers
that represent wealth. And here the madness
lays quietly only speaking when loneliness cannot
be chased away with each swallowed pill.
And so we look within for the poison that will drive us out of our minds.

Submitted on 2009-09-24 20:12:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  This poem leaves much up to the interpretation of the reader. It challenges the reader and makes for a closer read. Thanks for posting this here. I look forward to reading more of your stuff in the future.
| Posted on 2009-11-12 00:00:00 | by LaxGoalie | [ Reply to This ]
  it's really interesting to say the least. i think i've been places similar. pretty sure i have but i digress. blah

i always like your love poems. i usually can't bear them, but you always find this velvety blend of words that i can't deny the beauty of. i like this, i guess those are just the ones i tend to lean towards of your stuff.

i don't think anyone around here is gonna take it too seriously or literally in any connections made from it. hopefully most of us get speaking figuratively and go through things relatively similar, ya know. i can imagine you wouldn't want to go recite this in a Walmart somewhere. well maybe, that might be fun.

i like the ideas you expressed, um, the bit about thoughts in linear progression. new sceneries, ya i get that in my own manner. just hope it's all cool.

(have i been properly salty?)
| Posted on 2009-09-28 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
  I almost feel beckoned to a duel by your description: "no, it's madness, you CANNOT understand it!" Oh?

I read this one with what I like to call a sinking tone. You know? The weening sanity aching, all moribund in its infirmity. Anyhow, I really liked it. Maybe that insanity that cannot be understood is that which the individual bears, as if we each carry our own internal chasm and so perhaps we understand ourselves, but not yours. My advise from a written point of view:

A small quiver of hope, extinguished, as the
vast desert before us twitch[es] with numbers
that represent wealth. And here the madness
lays quietly only speaking when loneliness cannot.
[]

And so we look within for that[]
poison [to] drive us out of our minds.

The twitches bit is more grammatical, but the rest is really just arbitrary shambling. I kind of liked the pause at 'cannot' that, maybe, the idea ended there. It is all the more sordid to have only loneliness and madness as options, rather than to be able to maybe escape one (with pills). I also used 'that' in the final line as I imagine the poison is kin to us all, and so we all know of it (singularly) rather than just some poison.

I'm certain you could bring this poem further ahead if you read through it yourself and reconsidered some of the lines, where to end them, how to say them.. etc.

I liked the subject overall. But I am confused about the title.. and the use of 'you' in this one. The poem inadvertently suggests the presence of another party, be it immaterial or undetectable... It is there by mere communication of the poem, and so loneliness can be discarded, maybe even insanity. Just blame the autochthonal presence (in psychology, that means ideas that are not your own).

Anyways, I'm a picky [censored]. <3<3<3<3<3 and sparkly things.
| Posted on 2009-09-26 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey i like your style here, speaking of things but not adressing them directly per se, yes i understand this yearning to be released from ourselves. To be free of the burden of thinking and return to untouched phases of being, not tainted by the everyday concertos of madmen's desires and goals not ours. Indeed an original piece in my eyes and definitely carries a strong message if you care to look deeper. I liked it, it spoke to me on a deeper level. Maybe it is i who is mad haha. Thanks for sharing this.
| Posted on 2009-09-25 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

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