Description: There are some key notes i want to list, so do read this. This is a monolouge I wrote based on what I actually told a girl I fell in love with in FLorence Italy. The second paragraph is almost verbatum to what I actually said to her. All of it is accurate to how i felt at the time.
This piece of writting is meant to be performed by an actor. It doesn't always flow because at times the character (myself) is searching for the right words or pauses to slow his frantic breathing down and regain his composure.
A couple lines are to be delieverd in a particular way. The line "or have had a bit to drink" is meant to be nervously mirthful...sorta like a tease. The line "With stubborn defiance..." may seem over the top and it is meant to be so, but commicly. I am pokeing fun at my own ego a little. Sorta like "normally i'm BIG STRONG AND BRAVE!...but right now i'm close to wetting my pants" The other reason for this part is to convey to an ignorant audience the significance of contrast between the confident and bold person I often am in public and the vulnerable person we see here in this peice.
Think of that scene in the more recent movie version of "Pride and Prejudice" where Darsi, soaking wet from the rain and haggard with emotional desperation, confesses his love for the first time. That's basicly what this piece is...and that's basicly what it actually was like for me telling her this.
A desperate confession of love -------------------------------------------
There is something I need to tell you and…as uncharacteristic as this may seem to you, I’m really nervous. I may need a few moments to recover here and there so please be patient with me.
I know that at times I can be a rather brazen and perhaps even arrogant individual but, Brittany I am awed into humility every time I look upon you. I am enthralled every time I see you smile or hear you laugh. I mean…the way your face reddens when you laugh profusely or have had a bit to drink. Or…or the way the stray ends of your hair flow in a gust of wind. I mean your face, your lips…your eyes. Brittany you’re beautiful. If this were the renaissance poets and minstrels would be writing songs and sonnets in praise of your beauty.
My heart is pounding…jeez I…This isn’t normal of me. I am not a meek person and I am not easily cowed into submission. With stubborn defiance do I meet adversity and stand against those who try to bring me down…but right now I’m terrified.
When I look into your eyes I see something remarkable…and witnessing the beauty of it my stubborn defenses just melt away, leaving my heart naked and vulnerable before you. I have tried to maintain my sensibility but the passion you have awoken in my heart has overwhelmed prudence and maintaining stoic restraint has become unbearable. I am utterly at your mercy for my yearning to be with you has brought me to my knees. My pride surrenders to my longing to be yours. So here, In amorous desperation, I do confess that I am hopelessly in love with you.
I'm not sure if I "win" in regards to this. Her and I are not togeather and my longing goes unsatiated. Some of my friends suggest i set myself up for failure with this girl to begin with and perhaps that is true. I suppose I am indeed succsessful in conveying my feelings to her in this piece.
Thank you for your feedback and you have my sympathies. I know all to well how painful unreturned love can be.
On a personal note I'd like to say this piece resonates with me particularly: I feel the same way about girl nicked named Bee, and I have said similar things to her. In fact, she and I have had a few brief romances, each ending with me sabotaging our happiness save for the most recent, she ended things before they began. Or shortly after. I speak to you as a heart broken man and not a writer as I should.
I love this piece. I love how TRUE and ACCURATE and indeed HONEST it is. It conjures for me memories I care not to experience, and that it indicative of something. A thing writer's lack - insight. Passion. Emotion. Honesty.
You hit the nail.
From a writer's perspective this is well written for the same reason as my personal reasons; also the way things are described truly gets across the intended message - Love, unrequited and unrestrained.
Thank you for putting this, and yourself, out there. No suggestions, keep it as is, and yeah. You win.