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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Somber Violin Solodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Flynn
    ASL Info:    24/M/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.77 - 74/123/48
    Words: 305
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 687
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1887



    Description:
       It's meant to be sung. It has different tempos throughout. Even spoken makes it sound better than reading it. It's not a suicide note. It's just my heart's predicament, and the first of 9 songs in my new series, sequel to Learn Live Well.
    Title Pending.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomber Violin Solodots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dearest Memories
    Dear Unforgiven past
    Dear agonies of broken hearts never mended
    Dear pain that lasts

    I wrote a song for you
    I made it slow -
    And a somber violin solo

    To the razor sharp girls
    The kind that get underneath your skin
    And it seems a sin that things should end before they ever even had chance
    to begin
    You nicked a vein
    You nicked a vein I'm bleeding out
    Now this broken boy has nothing left save doubt

    Oh kiss the girls
    Kiss the girls before you leave them be
    It's a farewell song cause in a year or two you'll probably never hear from me
    again.

    Seems a sin.

    I wrote a poem
    I made slow with a melody
    And a somber violin solo

    It's to my mom
    I'm sorry I dissapointed you
    And it seems a sin that things should end before I ever even had a chance
    to begin

    Oh nick the vein
    I nicked a vein the other day
    Now this broken boy has nothing left to do but pray

    Oh kiss your moms
    Kiss your mom before you leave her be
    It's a farewell poem cause in a year or two I'll probably never hear from you
    again.

    Seems a sin.

    I wrote a book.
    I left it open on my desk
    Dated 9 29 2009
    Because that's the day I let my happiness end.

    It's to my friends
    I'm sorry that I had to go away
    See it seems a sin that things should before we ever had a chance to let the things
    begin.

    I cocked the gun
    Cocked the gun there's a melody of a chambered round
    There's nothing left but the drum beat sound.

    And a somber violin solo.




    Submitted on 2009-09-29 14:19:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I was censored. Of all sites, I believe that this one should have no censorship! Freedom of speech. Damnit. I'm sorry I ruined your comment.
    | Posted on 2009-10-02 00:00:00 | by SanctityExposed | [ Reply to This ]
      LJ--

    This is a beautiful piece, sad but very story-like. I enjoy the way you've positioned your stanzas, and flowed the story along.

    I'm glad you've taken things from your personal endeavors and experiences and written them here. It's given me a look inside your mind, your life. Which I have missed so much.

    It doesn't even necessarily need to be sung, rather than open speech, forward. It creates a melody all it's own, and I believe if you tried to convey the emotion that is inside the poem, it would ruin it.

    Again, beautiful piece. I myself need to start writing again, but life has been so smooth lately that there really isn't any turmoil or abundant joy that needs to be expressed in poetry.

    That, and writer's block [censored] sucks.

    Love you bra.

    | Posted on 2009-10-02 00:00:00 | by SanctityExposed | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great. such a painful sad little thing to read but so strong it almost knocks you over.


    "I wrote a song for you
    I made it slow -
    And a somber violin solo"

    "And it seems a sin that things should end before they ever even had chance
    to begin
    You nicked a vein"

    "Oh kiss your moms
    Kiss your mom before you leave her be"

    "Cocked the gun there's a melody of a chambered round
    There's nothing left but the drum beat sound.

    And a somber violin solo."



    haha i just basically quoted the whole thing but every line was great. well done.
    | Posted on 2009-09-29 00:00:00 | by Theophilus | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought the lyrics were a little angsty and by numbers in parts, but if they go with the song I guess I can't argue, could be an angst-filled song. I dunno, I don't really think they're great lyrics to be reading out on their own, but when it comes to a song it's all relative. It seems like you really got your point across anyway, which is a major thingm theres nothing to complicated, sometimes I read lyrics up here and I'm like; "theres no possible way you could fit those into a song", but yours definitely seem tailored towards something.

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-09-29 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    5. Which parts?
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    9. How could it be improved?
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    178952

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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