Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Racedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cayman
    ASL Info:    31
    Elite Ratio:    2.77 - 182/168/72
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 427
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1140



    Description:
       Just can't wait


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Racedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hesitation while thereís perspiration

    Gratification emits the ultimate gravitation

    While the persuasion evoke our imagination



    I canít wait to hale our relation!

    Till gestation allows a mutation to our celebration

    Each day brings finality to our different situations



    Just the thought provides inspiration

    The anticipation to our lives current cessation

    Thereís no complication to this restoration



    Just love seeking a companion

    Two souls seeking a mate

    Hearts awaiting the queue to be together



    The time will come and the world better look out!

    Inspire the inspired and await the awakening

    Vanquish any instability and speak from the heart



    Love is the truth while hate is a lie

    Tell me you love me until tears fall down my face

    If love were a race we end up in a tie every time





    Submitted on 2009-09-29 17:07:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Some of the rhyming employed here is simply shocking. It is SO forced and doesn't even make sense.

    The nations location shuddders with anticipation of my eyes dillation, from alienation.

    Masterbation, sallutations, mutilation, annihalation, redemtion, dimension. Elation at the fact you can rhyme words together etc etc.

    Those parts took no effort and whilst you probably had a clear meaning in your head, it came out like a load of nonsense.

    Try to avoid contradicting yourself, or getting involved with pointless contrasts: "truth/lie".

    Some of your lines were okay, I appreciate you may have had a bit of fun writing this, but it's hard to take seriously,

    A bit more thought could go a long way.

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-09-29 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178960

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Love written by saartha
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The World written by jjd
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Cover written by saartha
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry