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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This need to breathedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.83 - 62/89/71
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 601
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1189



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis need to breathedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Where are my socks,
    I need to put on my feet?
    I need a moment to myself.
    I need to be alone-
    and think...
    I don't need, no watch.
    Don't need to know, the time.
    I need a second just to listen-
    to the chatter,
    of my mind.
    I don't need to get my phone.
    I need to be alone.
    Laces tied upon my shoes:
    I'm ready to move on.
    I need to hear the pounding-
    Of my feet along the street.
    Need to empty out,
    Because I can not get to sleep.
    Walking under these,
    floruescent lights...
    Each passing car,
    gets me a little bit far-
    ther down the road...
    I all I see:
    is this fog,
    hovering around me.
    Blinding me.
    I scream-
    in my head...
    Bathing in these dead,
    memories...
    that mean nothing.
    All I need is to breathe,
    just a little bit harder...
    Think about it,
    a little longer...
    I just need to keep on walking,
    alone.
    Each step I get farther,
    down te raod...
    Ask myself-
    Will I ever,
    go home?




    Submitted on 2009-09-29 18:38:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Fantastic piece, if I only had a dollar for all the midnight jogs I have done due to lack of sleep caused by a busy life, and the constant pleasing of others.
    | Posted on 2009-09-30 00:00:00 | by Mooncatcher | [ Reply to This ]
      Very cool... this is how I've always left... this is how I've made it back...

    amazing story the feet could tell, if anyone ever listened to them.
    | Posted on 2009-09-29 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      A few spelling mistakes and a tacked on ending let you down a bit, but overall I thought this was pretty interesting. The confusion in-herrent in the piece, with the odd line throwing the reader off worked pretty well. For the most part I enjoyed reading, I would actually say it could sound well if it was read allowed too, which is always good.

    Right so!

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-09-29 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178966

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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