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    dots Submission Name: This need to breathedots

    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 894
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1189


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis need to breathedots

    Where are my socks,
    I need to put on my feet?
    I need a moment to myself.
    I need to be alone-
    and think...
    I don't need, no watch.
    Don't need to know, the time.
    I need a second just to listen-
    to the chatter,
    of my mind.
    I don't need to get my phone.
    I need to be alone.
    Laces tied upon my shoes:
    I'm ready to move on.
    I need to hear the pounding-
    Of my feet along the street.
    Need to empty out,
    Because I can not get to sleep.
    Walking under these,
    floruescent lights...
    Each passing car,
    gets me a little bit far-
    ther down the road...
    I all I see:
    is this fog,
    hovering around me.
    Blinding me.
    I scream-
    in my head...
    Bathing in these dead,
    that mean nothing.
    All I need is to breathe,
    just a little bit harder...
    Think about it,
    a little longer...
    I just need to keep on walking,
    Each step I get farther,
    down te raod...
    Ask myself-
    Will I ever,
    go home?

    Submitted on 2009-09-29 18:38:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Fantastic piece, if I only had a dollar for all the midnight jogs I have done due to lack of sleep caused by a busy life, and the constant pleasing of others.
    | Posted on 2009-09-30 00:00:00 | by Mooncatcher | [ Reply to This ]
      Very cool... this is how I've always left... this is how I've made it back...

    amazing story the feet could tell, if anyone ever listened to them.
    | Posted on 2009-09-29 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      A few spelling mistakes and a tacked on ending let you down a bit, but overall I thought this was pretty interesting. The confusion in-herrent in the piece, with the odd line throwing the reader off worked pretty well. For the most part I enjoyed reading, I would actually say it could sound well if it was read allowed too, which is always good.

    Right so!

    | Posted on 2009-09-29 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

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