Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Thought You Were Differentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/380
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Fanfic/Depressed
    Total Views: 704
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 980



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Thought You Were Differentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm lost!
    You are like all the others...

    WHY??

    I thought you were different!
    You are my Father,
    you are my BLOOD!
    Within my pumping veins is your DNA

    You are not my step-father,
    yet your actions! they mock his!!
    Why is this?

    Why have you put this on my shoulders?
    Why are you just like them?

    You are not my uncle,
    yet your actions mock his!
    Why is this?

    My mindset is back to my childhood!
    I am to go to work with a painted smile!
    I am to get up with no worries, yet secretly they are there!

    I feel like I am 12 again confused, alone, and hurt...
    Not sure what to do...
    Just as if you were my uncle or worse...

    My Step Father!!!




    Submitted on 2009-09-29 21:02:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. This piece is really "in your face" and powerful. I don't know if I can completely relate to what is happening, but I know that I was drawn into wondering. Wonderful and heartfelt. I especially loved how you kept with the "you mock his" line. Genius! Keep up the good work. Drop by and comment some of my work sometime.
    Jeff
    | Posted on 2009-10-01 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178972

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Incubus written by monad
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Bond written by saartha
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Linger written by saartha
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Push written by JanePlane
    To written by SavedDragon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry