Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Thought You Were Differentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/378
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Fanfic/Depressed
    Total Views: 628
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 980



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Thought You Were Differentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm lost!
    You are like all the others...

    WHY??

    I thought you were different!
    You are my Father,
    you are my BLOOD!
    Within my pumping veins is your DNA

    You are not my step-father,
    yet your actions! they mock his!!
    Why is this?

    Why have you put this on my shoulders?
    Why are you just like them?

    You are not my uncle,
    yet your actions mock his!
    Why is this?

    My mindset is back to my childhood!
    I am to go to work with a painted smile!
    I am to get up with no worries, yet secretly they are there!

    I feel like I am 12 again confused, alone, and hurt...
    Not sure what to do...
    Just as if you were my uncle or worse...

    My Step Father!!!




    Submitted on 2009-09-29 21:02:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. This piece is really "in your face" and powerful. I don't know if I can completely relate to what is happening, but I know that I was drawn into wondering. Wonderful and heartfelt. I especially loved how you kept with the "you mock his" line. Genius! Keep up the good work. Drop by and comment some of my work sometime.
    Jeff
    | Posted on 2009-10-01 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178972

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Outlaw
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry