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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Path to Duskdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Erebus
    Elite Ratio:    1.85 - 1/5/6
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 680
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1027



    Description:
       Heh, my first successful poem...written for a love that dwindled and was snuffed out. I have a serious attraction with Darkness, and that will show in most of my work.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPath to Duskdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Darkness is all which I know,
    Its my body and my soul, my voice,
    Fields as black as night beyond,
    The Path to Dusk is where I walk,
    One path, one destination,
    Shadows follow my trail, their prey,
    My being forever gone cold,
    This path I have walked for to long,
    Night no longer forever,
    Beyond me, the night replaced, light,
    Shadows flee the end of dusk,
    I was forsaken, my sin,
    Redemption floods, light beyond,
    A walker, the daughter of light,
    With eyes of blue, holds my soul,
    Darkness retorts, fighting the light,
    No nightmares resume, pure beauty,
    My mind move back into the dark,
    Warmth, this feeling flows through me,
    She grasps into my mind, her light,
    My soul of black ice ignites,
    The cold is lifted from my being,
    The warmth of love returned,
    Redeemed to the light, my faith,
    We turn to the life with each other,
    Now we walk the Path to Dawn,




    Submitted on 2009-10-01 01:33:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      a real eye opener of interest to the way you see yourself. I remember when we first were getting to know each other.. reminds me of those times. Should msn me your number so i can give you a call and we can catch up my modem has blown up and im not on much atm xxxx Ali
    | Posted on 2009-11-06 00:00:00 | by Wysperer | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it tom and i think its just fine. It makes me think about my own path hehehe good poem.
    xoxox Dannie.L.T
    | Posted on 2009-11-05 00:00:00 | by Elementlove | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah the love of darkness shows...
    But overall the poem was pretty good.

    i did find myself skimming towards the end as always if i find a poem to long or it looses my intrest.

    Also i would advise against the overuse of simple words like light and dark. And although i know it is hard to find alternatives sometimes, the repetintion doesnt appeal to me, and i would at least try to replace a few of them.

    Also i dont know if this is something you do but i've noticed that some of your poems end in commas. the first time i thought it was just a mistake but when i saw it repeated i was unsure of the meaning. i dont know if it is to show a lingering of the last sentence or something in which case i would simply change it to:

    "Now we walk the Path to Dawn... "

    But idk if that is the case or not and now i feel like im rambling for sure so whatever

    Channie
    | Posted on 2009-10-01 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      It really does show in your writing Ere-kun..I love it.
    I think it could be worded a slight bit better but it's cool.
    You emphasized the Darkness very very well, to me, Like it was made for you and you were made for it. Not many people can do that I think. not the ones I know...I can write about the Darkness but not like you. and the way you-- it's like your trying to say that the light is trying to save you from the Darkened depths of your soul that has lingered there for so long. They're so close yet..so far in a weird way...or they've saved you..but it still tugs at your heart because it's where you feel most safe...the darkness is a comfort zone.

    [ps: remember...commas are a slight pause don't over use them. Periods are okay too. Use em' ]

    O.o" wtf am I doing? anyways...that's my cmmt..I only give them out if I really like it. sorry if it's a bit..well weird. Deal with it!!!

    ~Saika Xiallia Trinity Ceria <3
    | Posted on 2009-10-01 00:00:00 | by Xiallia | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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    January 10 07
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