Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Broken Resolvedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JoelIsHere
    ASL Info:    21/ Male/ Indiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 8/27/28
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 497
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 669



    Description:
       Part four, my friends.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Resolvedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Broken Resolve

    Now he is Home,
    With his Son and his Wife,
    The soldier’s unchecked cravings,
    Take over his mind.

    The blood of his king,
    Now sit on his hands,
    The Crown of his Father,
    Now rests on his Head.

    Not long ‘til the trumpets,
    Sound for war once again,
    The lust-taken king,
    Takes up his Lance.

    His lust for Crimson Waters,
    Shatters mighty nations,
    Subjugates mighty rulers,
    Crumbles mighty barriers.

    The crimson waters-his lust reigning supreme,
    Is the only shield for his broken resolve…




    Submitted on 2009-10-01 09:05:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I found this piece to be a bit heavy handed. There was just a little too much repetition for me. I do like the theme that you chose of someone taken out of an element they were in before and were used to, and being forced to cope with a new situation. I believe that if you reworked this idea, it would take it from a good write to a great write. Either way, you have taleent and keep it up. Drop by and comment some of my work sometime.
    Jeff
    | Posted on 2009-10-01 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    179019

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Cover written by saartha
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Relativity written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry