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    dots Submission Name: "Constance"dots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 545
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 995

       A forced piece of writing, feel free to tear it apart as i don't usually write without inspiration.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Adorned with frailty's cloak
    i teetered extinction's crest,
    volleyed by apathetic fragments
    maliced from a forgotten heart,
    vomiting remembrance soup.

    With division bell song she came.

    Reality cogged to a slow slurr
    as her notes fluttered majesticly,
    tadpoling gently into my drums.
    Her perfect smooth luminous lips
    enveloped in soothing utterance.

    Her presence - the color of T.V. ,
    a delicately strung compliment
    to her words, strong as music,
    polishing all my obsidian norms
    to a fine shatter.

    Her every nuance the essence of light.

    Lulling my half-life to dreams
    her musings stir my butterflies
    into a dancing pinwheel-twitch,
    so i can fully understand again
    what it is to feel.

    Sometimes bleeding is the surest sign of life.


    Submitted on 2009-10-03 08:18:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      im not quiet sure how i felt but tht was a reali great poem n i like how u worded it.
    | Posted on 2009-10-06 00:00:00 | by MiseryMarie | [ Reply to This ]
      i'll say...wow. every poet sometimes forces themselves to write just for the heck of it. but not every poet can write like this. check out my forced writing and you'll understand why(loud) but i guess thats what being a poet is about. learning from your mistakes and learning from the best. so incredible work like yours (even when forced) is something that inspires more poets to work harder.
    | Posted on 2009-10-06 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I stoped to look in on your page because you commented a piece of my work. Only to see my name on your page Well, now you know my name for sure. A great piece of poetry and I'm not saying that because it has my name in it. I loved this ^.^
    | Posted on 2009-10-05 00:00:00 | by Scaredheart | [ Reply to This ]
      i like your word choice but to me, even from those I feel I can tell this is forced. I don't know how but it does seem awkward. I don't feel the love in the words I guess even though I think they sound beautiful.
    | Posted on 2009-10-05 00:00:00 | by bonita2689 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it's very good, images that are unlikely and unclichéd and unassociated.... Very beautiful.

    Bleeding is always a sure sign of a beating heart somewhere under it all. I'm not sure what Laughter is, tho... I don't know if that's the sound before the heart stops beating, or what.

    Great write.
    | Posted on 2009-10-04 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      "her notes fluttered majesticly,
    tadpoling gently into my drums.
    Her perfect smooth luminous lips
    enveloped in soothing utterance"

    "to her words, strong as music, "

    "her musings stir my butterflies
    into a dancing pinwheel-twitch,"

    "Sometimes bleeding is the surest sign of life."

    pretty awesome for a forced write.
    | Posted on 2009-10-03 00:00:00 | by Theophilus | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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