I like the first 3 lines. The words "Intricate lies." should be on another row as to make the line before it shine. You kinda loose the momentum towards the end. I think you should tinker a bit with the second half of the poem. This could be really good! Anyway, keep on writing!
the devastation is palpable... it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and the soul and you portray this so vibrantly through your word choice and repetitive pattern of images... alike but separate... experienced on an alternative dimension - not quite within reach but with a crystal clear understanding. This speaks to me on so many levels... some that I wish not to acknowledge or recognize as my own but find it difficult to escape... Brilliantly written.
You have a lot of images in here, and not much action. And even the action you have acts more in favor of the images (especially the running thoughts in stanza 3). Although there's a lot of emotion in here, you could make it a lot stronger if you added some movement and exposition. Not only that, but it would make your ideas much clearer. Memory failing like a camera falling apart.
I think this is the best image you have. The most unique and powerful, that is.
Wow yes what an explosion of emotion and scattered thoughts pulled together to form this tapestry of emotion. This was definitely an expression from a deeper level and also pulled me in reminding me of how sometimes the past can reel me in and i can get so immersed in days gone by that its hard to snap back into reality without feeling a loss of some kind. Well written.
Sorry but this totally reminded me of every time I made an excuse :
he loves me...I know he does
maybe if I didn't push
I have nowhere to go
Then as it truly falls apart to nothing...things start coming back together and with each day you feel more empowered...like the person you where before has some how seeped back in through your pours. Then you realize you had fallen away and how good it feels to be back.
That is what I felt from this read. Abuse in all forms is detrimental to ones spirit. Sad and some times unavoidable no matter what people on the out side see or think.
You give a clear description of the feelings:
Awesome read with such a tough subject, I really have no critique as to how to improve so
Thanks for sharing