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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: August in ice (the world is small)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Flynn
    ASL Info:    24/M/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.77 - 74/123/48
    Words: 261
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Angry
    Total Views: 473
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1705



    Description:
       Took a little more time on this. Heavier, kinda has parts that would be screamed. Still not editted, still a first draft. Still me.

    I'm sick of liars. And no, I have not randomly fucked any body without knowing names or indeed, fucked at all.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAugust in ice (the world is small)dots
    -------------------------------------------



    This world is small, it goes around
    If you shout out loud enough
    You'll echoe your own sound

    It's full of friends and enemies
    Who always are nearby
    It's full of ways to make you known
    Especially your lies

    Invert this world, lets make it good
    Unleash upon them your pain
    Make August shine with ice
    December glows in flames

    And when you're upside down
    It's to have anything but an honest frown.
    Hard to put your game face on
    Hard to keep from down

    So fuck the world
    And the people in it
    Fuck the world
    And the black pit in it
    Fuck the whole damn world
    You're just a pocket of lies!
    Fuck the whole damn world
    And you fuckin know it

    Throw my heart against the wall
    Toss my mind into a well
    You kicked my knees to watch me fall
    You shot me down now I'm in hell
    I wanna fuck this world
    I wanna fuck this world
    I wanna fuck this whole damn world
    Maybe then you'd see I cared.
    Fuck them as hard as I fell
    Unleash in you my hell
    Don't fuckin bother with names
    I'm not playing your games
    I'm not dealing with your blames
    I can see straight through your lies

    When December glows in flames
    And August's covered in ice

    When things are as upside down as I feel
    Upside down as I feel.

    When the world's broken as I feel.

    The world is so damn small...







    Submitted on 2009-10-03 15:19:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Excellent lyrics, if you get good music, this would be a great song. It certainly mirrors how I feel.
    | Posted on 2009-10-04 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      Powerful words here and representative of how alot of people feel and can relate to. The world has grown black and dull, things are not the way they are supposed to be and people do not see the beauty in small things anymore. Money is the name of reality and the black pit you speak of has indeed become what we know to be normal. I liked this, very strong and sincere expression.

    :-)

    -Svw
    | Posted on 2009-10-04 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Well you asked for thoughts...so although I'd like to critique the [censored]te out of this I will give you my thoughts.
    First three stanzas are dead on in the gist of your title. the only thing I found myself doing was dropping some of the "it's" but again you asked for thoughts and you said it's a first draft
    The forth stanza has an error

    And when you're upside down
    It's to have anything but an honest frown.
    Hard to put your game face on
    Hard to keep from down


    I think you meant to have another hard in there in the second line.
    The fifth...well f...uck it all seems to be the word and although I get it I just think it could be better by dropping some of the repetitive angst. Just my option though and that is worth nothing so do what you will because I think the same thing of the sixth stanza.
    The rest is *goose felt flesh* good...wouldn't change a thing.
    Broken and fed up....wanting to be rid of the bullpucky. Seeing things at face value and tired of being served gristle instead of top sirloin. Realizing that it is the same every where and that not much can be done but release as much [censored]te as possible.
    Beautifully Broken in parts

    those are my thoughts...Thanks for the read
    | Posted on 2009-10-03 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]


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