Description: Took a little more time on this. Heavier, kinda has parts that would be screamed. Still not editted, still a first draft. Still me.
I'm sick of liars. And no, I have not randomly fucked any body without knowing names or indeed, fucked at all.
August in ice (the world is small) -------------------------------------------
This world is small, it goes around
If you shout out loud enough
You'll echoe your own sound
It's full of friends and enemies
Who always are nearby
It's full of ways to make you known
Especially your lies
Invert this world, lets make it good
Unleash upon them your pain
Make August shine with ice
December glows in flames
And when you're upside down
It's to have anything but an honest frown.
Hard to put your game face on
Hard to keep from down
So fuck the world
And the people in it
Fuck the world
And the black pit in it
Fuck the whole damn world
You're just a pocket of lies!
Fuck the whole damn world
And you fuckin know it
Throw my heart against the wall
Toss my mind into a well
You kicked my knees to watch me fall
You shot me down now I'm in hell
I wanna fuck this world
I wanna fuck this world
I wanna fuck this whole damn world
Maybe then you'd see I cared.
Fuck them as hard as I fell
Unleash in you my hell
Don't fuckin bother with names
I'm not playing your games
I'm not dealing with your blames
I can see straight through your lies
When December glows in flames
And August's covered in ice
When things are as upside down as I feel
Upside down as I feel.
Powerful words here and representative of how alot of people feel and can relate to. The world has grown black and dull, things are not the way they are supposed to be and people do not see the beauty in small things anymore. Money is the name of reality and the black pit you speak of has indeed become what we know to be normal. I liked this, very strong and sincere expression.
Well you asked for thoughts...so although I'd like to critique the [censored]te out of this I will give you my thoughts.
First three stanzas are dead on in the gist of your title. the only thing I found myself doing was dropping some of the "it's" but again you asked for thoughts and you said it's a first draft
The forth stanza has an error
And when you're upside down
It's to have anything but an honest frown.
Hard to put your game face on
Hard to keep from down
I think you meant to have another hard in there in the second line.
The fifth...well f...uck it all seems to be the word and although I get it I just think it could be better by dropping some of the repetitive angst. Just my option though and that is worth nothing so do what you will because I think the same thing of the sixth stanza.
The rest is *goose felt flesh* good...wouldn't change a thing.
Broken and fed up....wanting to be rid of the bullpucky. Seeing things at face value and tired of being served gristle instead of top sirloin. Realizing that it is the same every where and that not much can be done but release as much [censored]te as possible.
Beautifully Broken in parts
Submission Name: August in ice (the world is small)
