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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Marrige as a mythdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dead Bell
    ASL Info:    20/m/Ire
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 44/96/85
    Words: 300
    Class/Type: Poetry/Legend
    Total Views: 42
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2018



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMarrige as a mythdots
    -------------------------------------------


    1

    There were no iron bars
    When the two first met,
    Of course there were lies
    On one side or the other
    But time has now erupted
    And the fault lines detach.

    They joined at a time when
    It was all numberless;
    Love was another face in a riot;
    Nameless but not without cause.
    Then momentum casually ceased
    Slowed to an almost halt
    And dispersed in a loveless panic
    Desperately sticking to anyone
    Who showed intent for living.

    Rioters go; their old myth dies
    Love dies; the old myth wins
    Only natural patterns remain.
    A marriage is breaking down
    And we all are the spectators
    Sons, daughters laughing,
    Dancing on a cliff edge.

    How some last is the sweetest
    Pleasure given to me.
    You see them sometimes
    Walking the dog
    Unconsciously content
    And consciously different
    To the rest.
    Can I pack up and go live with them?
    They probably never had children.

    2

    A kitchen argument arose this time
    I find it an awkward place
    For them to fight (I get hungry)
    And as a man of twenty
    I feel indifferent to their plight
    I feel like a stranger to them
    As I slowly ease away from sight.
    For I think a family partially
    Disintegrates when the last one
    Reaches an independent age,
    In actions and thought
    (More importantly)

    When young, parents are the sun
    The givers of light and life
    It dims and dims until
    It shrinks into a little ball of heat
    Then extempore they explode!
    To the wonder of us swirling planets.

    3

    He told her to leave
    He said he would finance her
    She said it is too late for her
    She knows it is too late for her

    The iron bars appear.






    Submitted on 2009-10-04 07:10:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Not only as seen by a child, more it's how a young man might contrast the relationsip of his parents with his own, or even try to picture them at the genisis of love, different types of Love I suppose, passion giving way to a sense of security etc etc etc, it's very easy to "get it" with this one.

    But I like that you seemed more upfront than usual here, I've most likely read other poems by you where I was really impressed with your writing style, it always seems much more natural to you than my stuff, but this is one of the less common ones where you seem very sure of what your trying to say. It's kind of the same thing I said to Tony about that poem he took down but seems more appropriate here, the tone is mature and you seem much more involved in the poem yourself. I liked the theme and title too, Thomas Hardy would approve.



    | Posted on 2009-10-05 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      Great exposition on marriage going breaking down as seen by the child. The child is spectator who wants his child memories to go on. The situation brings the child to put away his memories for a painful reality.
    | Posted on 2009-10-04 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]


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