the mud god is my new god by joeyalphabet

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Submission Name: the mud god is my new god dots

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Author:	joeyalphabet
ASL Info:	47/not likely/somewhere..
Elite Ratio:	3.79 - 2178/2162/415
Words:	57

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	26
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	368

Description:
Revised

the mud god is my new god dots

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the mud god is my new god,
because it never expects adoration
never demands virgin crimson
nor a glorious edifice

the mud god is my new god,
because it never clutches at gold
never crusades against the infidel
nor sends souls beneath it

the mud god is my new god
because it only wants rain

Submitted on 2009-10-05 11:21:33 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I think you've gone beyond telling me about the mud god to telling me about you, the person who worships it. I think this is more memoir than manifesto, if not actually of you, than of the character you are embodying. I think that's what makes a poem really good. I thought it was good to begin with, but you took it places.
Faved.
| Posted on 2009-10-06 00:00:00 | by Hecate | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm good with this the way it is. I get the mud god, it is nature god - not man god. The mud god makes me feel good while the man god wants to dominate me, bow down to it.
| Posted on 2009-10-06 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, you've convinced me. I'm converted.

This is a fascinating idea for a poem. I love the concept of the mud god, turning the earth we walk on into something divine. However, the entire piece except the last two wonderful amazing lines sounds a little clunky. I think you could make it a little more musical and invoke more imagery. But it's a delicate balance--I love the starkness of the poem, it is as unassuming as mud. In a piece as short as this, each word counts for more and so each one has to pull its weight. Use strong descriptive words that have a rhythm to them. In fact I think you could turn this into almost a chant, in reference to that religious element.
| Posted on 2009-10-05 00:00:00 | by Hecate | [ Reply to This ]

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