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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Godsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Peacejoe
    Elite Ratio:    2.89 - 30/29/23
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 687
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 666



    Description:
       Jotted down in chorus class


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGodsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lines are erasing what’s left of your kind
    Tearing your eyes and mangling your mind.
    Step through the shadows
    And stare through the light
    Which blinds you so fiercely
    And burns you so bright.

    Kindly you walk in the lights of the city,
    An army guns down your legs to the ground.
    Quietly tearing your face from its plaster
    And keeping you from being found.

    Lost in the alleys,
    Looking for a god.
    Searching for friends
    Who are beaten like dogs.

    Keeping the world from obeying their orders,
    But not to be found by the legion of gods.




    Submitted on 2009-10-05 15:51:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      For the actual prose of this work, I was admittedly less than thrilled. To me, the wording felt a little clunky. As for the message of this piece, I strongly felt and identified with the idea presented. To me, this poem meant in simple terms, 'When you're in the throes of death and you're praying for salvation; where is your faith going to get you but nowhere?' So in conclusion, the prose left a little to be desired, but the message was strong and thought-provoking. I believe with a little reworking you could create a piece that hits just as hard as it presents. Keep up the good work; come by and comment some of my work sometime.
    Jeff
    | Posted on 2009-10-05 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]


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