This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

a time to let go

Author: joezwells
Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 64 /79 /55
Words: 91
Class/Type: Poetry /Death
Total Views: 1015
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 522


not done yet i just had to write this down so i could get it off my mind, i plan to redo it so take it as work in progress

a time to let go

your days were numbered an painful
i watched with tearfilled eyes
everyone knew you were fading
but she couldnt hear your cries

now your laid to rest
but it hurts to see you go
the way that you were forced to leave
it leaves my heart broken and my mind will never be at ease

the joy you brought and the laughs that you created
are forever embedded in my soul
the love that you made us see
is more than any of us will every need

Submitted on 2009-10-05 22:45:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Its a nice concept but there are a few typos that are a bit distracting. Also the rhymes are pretty forced. It may be a good idea to read over fully and fix those errors. Try working on the idea and not focusing too much on the rhyme. if it fits, it will work naturally.

| Posted on 2009-10-06 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?