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Author: Old
Elite Ratio:    3.12 - 69 /98 /93
Words: 106
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 966
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 711



Your visage haunts my case
signs of life long to be erased
In the end we'll see
What have you done?
What's become of me?

The darkness keeps me frigid
as the anger makes me burn
your actions burnt our bridges
and an end you've earned.

I created this solely for your death
a spear, a club, and jar for your last breath
I have lasted eternity for your death
planning to destroy till there's nothing left

All day long I hear you die
Late at night I hear your cries
can't sleep knowing you're alive

I'll just keep hunting

Submitted on 2009-10-06 12:52:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I like the second and last verses of this piece the most, the 1st and 3rd were also okay but they had minor things that bugged me, like the two questions in the first, should probably only be one question, or they should both show more anger than the each simply do by just probing for answers. and in the 3rd verse were two lines ended with death, little stuff like that bugs me, like maybe u could reword one of the lines to say something similar with different words.

I really like the last verse but feel like the last line should be combined with it possibly.

Overall i really feel the point of this poem, and i feel it in your cold anxiety and i was rather impressed by it.

in the end its a Nice write
| Posted on 2009-10-06 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]

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