Description: This is a random poem that popped into my head a few days ago. I hope you enjoy it. Please leave comments if you like or PM me.
Hear the Moon sing her midnight song -------------------------------------------
Hear the moon as she sings her midnight song,
The stars play their twinkling lights.
As the wind swings through the midnight sky,
And leaves the souls in moonlight.
Peering through the window
That our hearts use frequently
Wondering and wishing
For all that could be
Like mist I wander through
Looking for my home
Looking for the one person
Who will not let me be alone.
I have found many
Who have tried to hold my treasure
But alas they are not the ones
They could never measure
I look to the path ahead
And wonder what I may find
Will it hold my destiny?
Will I see my time?
I want to know where I go
But I remember where I have been
I start to make my plans
And reminisce every now and then.
Hear the moon as she sings her midnight song.
As the night now comes to an end.
As maybe soon someone will come
Along to help my heart mend.
The stars are my guidelines,
The moon my way back.
I will wander on the wind.
And hope I will not lack.
I will find my home one day.
Be it near or far.
As long as that home is true.
And is my shining star.
I will travel any distance
Be it sun or rain.
Until I find my home
And become whole again.
Hi Mythica. Somehow I found this poem somewhere I don’t know. So I searched ES and found you. Well I am glad to shake your hand. What a magnificent poem it is. I adore it. Well I hug you 5 wow and make it my fav. Keep it up. Joachim
Although I agree with texan_poet once again on the small changes stuff I disagree with the rewrite . Perhaps the stars were playing their twinkling like so many musical instruments like you said , and who's to tell you that you would rather be dancing than swinging . Even so perhaps bathes is better than leaves but I like peering a lot better than peeking . That being said I have to say , I find so many direct analogies to things I have written in your writings . In fact I've truly enjoyed the company . Though you are but a child to my eye I find your insight and intuitions on the impetus intrigue most intrepid . You've truly got verve . I look forward to watching your style refine itself , and you becoming even better at being the suave and sultry surreal you already subtle solace savvy do to me .
Well, when I said you were insightful, I truly meant it. Yes, I am a fairly new writer and I would love it if you read my future work. Yes someone did hurt me before and I am very stubborn, especially when I know I am in the right. I cannot stand letting that person hurt me, but at the moment there is nothing I can do about it, so I write my poetry. I am looking forward to your future comments as you look forward to my future pieces.
I adore the concept, for starters. This one is going on my fave list. But, as awesome as it is, I still see a lot of little things you could do to make this piece amazing. The first stanza is beautiful, I love the wording, but you also let it drag on a bit, or at least it seems like it to me. Some of the language could be tweeked, I think, which would eliminate the problem. Just an idea:
Hear the moon as she sings her midnight song,
The stars play among twinkling lights.
As the wind dances through the midnight sky,
And bathes the soul in moonlight.
Peeking through the window
To our hearts, overlooked;
Wishing, and wondering
At all that could be
Small choices in language can make the difference in any poem. Take the idea if you like, leave it, or use it as a starting point. The beginning was the only part that irk'd me, and I love the rest. It still has potential to be more, through little things. I would look at maybe taking some of the imagry from the first two stanzas and pulling it through to the others, not restating, but refering back to it. Pull the piece together as a whole. Also, just a suggestion, I would look at taking out 'every' in the last line of the third stanza, makes it flow a bit better.
Away from the technical stuff now,
I think you feel a bit of a connection to the night, because it can hide things, hide who you are at times. Have you perhaps been hurt in the past? Family, friend, perhaps even a lover? This reads to me of something I value highly: stubborness of will and spirit to not give up when they hurt you, to fight back and take what you deserve, never giving up. And for that, you have my respect. I hope that whatever hurt you have suffered, the debt to you will be paid in full.
Am I correct in guessing that you are a fairly new writer? If so, you have a lot of potential, and I hope you will do me the honor of allowing me to read your future work, and help you as you grow.
Submission Name: Hear the Moon sing her midnight song
