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    dots Submission Name: Hear the Moon sing her midnight songdots

    Author: Mythica
    ASL Info:    17/female/KY USA
    Elite Ratio:    1.79 - 11/31/16
    Words: 235
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1906
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1437

       This is a random poem that popped into my head a few days ago. I hope you enjoy it. Please leave comments if you like or PM me.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHear the Moon sing her midnight songdots

    Hear the moon as she sings her midnight song,
    The stars play their twinkling lights.
    As the wind swings through the midnight sky,
    And leaves the souls in moonlight.
    Peering through the window
    That our hearts use frequently
    Wondering and wishing
    For all that could be

    Like mist I wander through
    Looking for my home
    Looking for the one person
    Who will not let me be alone.
    I have found many
    Who have tried to hold my treasure
    But alas they are not the ones
    They could never measure

    I look to the path ahead
    And wonder what I may find
    Will it hold my destiny?
    Will I see my time?
    I want to know where I go
    But I remember where I have been
    I start to make my plans
    And reminisce every now and then.

    Hear the moon as she sings her midnight song.
    As the night now comes to an end.
    As maybe soon someone will come
    Along to help my heart mend.
    The stars are my guidelines,
    The moon my way back.
    I will wander on the wind.
    And hope I will not lack.

    I will find my home one day.
    Be it near or far.
    As long as that home is true.
    And is my shining star.
    I will travel any distance
    Be it sun or rain.
    Until I find my home
    And become whole again.

    Submitted on 2009-10-06 14:47:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Mythica. Somehow I found this poem somewhere I donít know. So I searched ES and found you. Well I am glad to shake your hand. What a magnificent poem it is. I adore it. Well I hug you 5 wow and make it my fav. Keep it up. Joachim

    | Posted on 2010-05-05 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      Although I agree with texan_poet once again on the small changes stuff I disagree with the rewrite . Perhaps the stars were playing their twinkling like so many musical instruments like you said , and who's to tell you that you would rather be dancing than swinging . Even so perhaps bathes is better than leaves but I like peering a lot better than peeking . That being said I have to say , I find so many direct analogies to things I have written in your writings . In fact I've truly enjoyed the company . Though you are but a child to my eye I find your insight and intuitions on the impetus intrigue most intrepid . You've truly got verve . I look forward to watching your style refine itself , and you becoming even better at being the suave and sultry surreal you already subtle solace savvy do to me .
    | Posted on 2010-03-03 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks, Tiff. You did good in your response and I took no offense. Yeah it is about a girl looking for love, more technically......me. Heh. (=^_^
    | Posted on 2009-12-07 00:00:00 | by Mythica | [ Reply to This ]
      It's kinda confusing, but I understand it. I did like it. It's really good. I know you'll write many fine poems, not that these are bad. Umm...

    I interprated it as a girl looking for love, is that true? I'm not sure what else to say, I do enjoy your writting and look forward for more.

    | Posted on 2009-10-13 00:00:00 | by Vlanderson | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, when I said you were insightful, I truly meant it. Yes, I am a fairly new writer and I would love it if you read my future work. Yes someone did hurt me before and I am very stubborn, especially when I know I am in the right. I cannot stand letting that person hurt me, but at the moment there is nothing I can do about it, so I write my poetry. I am looking forward to your future comments as you look forward to my future pieces.
    | Posted on 2009-10-08 00:00:00 | by Mythica | [ Reply to This ]
      I adore the concept, for starters. This one is going on my fave list. But, as awesome as it is, I still see a lot of little things you could do to make this piece amazing. The first stanza is beautiful, I love the wording, but you also let it drag on a bit, or at least it seems like it to me. Some of the language could be tweeked, I think, which would eliminate the problem. Just an idea:

    Hear the moon as she sings her midnight song,
    The stars play among twinkling lights.
    As the wind dances through the midnight sky,
    And bathes the soul in moonlight.
    Peeking through the window
    To our hearts, overlooked;
    Wishing, and wondering
    At all that could be

    Small choices in language can make the difference in any poem. Take the idea if you like, leave it, or use it as a starting point. The beginning was the only part that irk'd me, and I love the rest. It still has potential to be more, through little things. I would look at maybe taking some of the imagry from the first two stanzas and pulling it through to the others, not restating, but refering back to it. Pull the piece together as a whole. Also, just a suggestion, I would look at taking out 'every' in the last line of the third stanza, makes it flow a bit better.

    Away from the technical stuff now,

    I think you feel a bit of a connection to the night, because it can hide things, hide who you are at times. Have you perhaps been hurt in the past? Family, friend, perhaps even a lover? This reads to me of something I value highly: stubborness of will and spirit to not give up when they hurt you, to fight back and take what you deserve, never giving up. And for that, you have my respect. I hope that whatever hurt you have suffered, the debt to you will be paid in full.

    Am I correct in guessing that you are a fairly new writer? If so, you have a lot of potential, and I hope you will do me the honor of allowing me to read your future work, and help you as you grow.

    Excellent write, Mythica.
    Lady Rose
    | Posted on 2009-10-07 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ]

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