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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Half-breeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mythica
    ASL Info:    17/female/KY USA
    Elite Ratio:    1.79 - 11/31/16
    Words: 5697
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 845
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 29381



    Description:
       This just an exert from a story I am writing. Let me know what you think so I know if I need to keep it going or not.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Half-breeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    CHAPTER 1
    How it started

    Do you believe in magic? What about demons and angels? Or fairies and nymphs? Well I do, I know it is real. How do I know? Well that is because I live in the world of magic, which is far different than the others say. So who am I? My name is Mythica Manoria. Sometimes my friends call me Cat. This is because I am half cat...err, well cat demon, actually. My other half? Caught that did you? It is something that requires a lot of control – a whole lot – and loves the night, with a slightly curbed appetite. I bet you have guessed what my other half is already. My other half is a vampire. That is right, a blood drinking, fast running, vampire.
    I am considered a half-breed, although there are many of my kind. I am over three hundred years old and have lived in the forest most of my life, so I guess I would not have met them. All this begins my journey…my story…my life…and my world.
    My mother was a well respected…err…woman. She was a Duchess, Duchess Cynthiana. She was almost like the head of the clan, for Cynthiana was a pureblood vampire; she came from a long line of purebloods. Although she was highly respected, she was also hated by some. This was because she had mated…outside of her species. This did not please the clan, but many respected her enough to look the over it. This man is my father and his name is Higura. Higura is the Demon God. He can create any demon he wants to at any given time. This time was different though and we know not why.
    I am not sure if they were in love or not, because for the longest time, I did not know he was my father. He was bashed on the head one day while he was in our world, by a man named Andimiyon, and his power was in a weak state at the time. Andimiyon had told my mother that Higura had left and did not want her anymore for Andimiyon was jealous and loved my mother. At the time, Higura had to go back to his place of dwelling until he could visit again so Cynthiana believed that Higura had left her, and fell to Andimiyon for comfort. Andimiyon happened to be a cat demon and a leader of his pack nonetheless. He loved my mother to the point that he left his pack to live with her in Manoria Manor.
    The clan was appalled, it was an unspeakable thing to have an outsider around the manor, but Cynthiana did not care. After he moved in, no one said another word about it. After a while, Andimiyon and Cynthiana were engaged to be married. When Cynthiana found that she was with child, she was both happy… and enraged for she knew the child was Higura’s offspring, but she never said a word. Andimiyon was overwhelmed with joy, for he thought the babe was his. I was born in the summer of seventeen eighty-one. I was half vampire and half cat demon. Though my tail and ears had not developed yet, my eyes had proven the demonics within me. How I was a cat demon was a miracle, since my birth father was the demon god and I could have come out part wolf for all my mother knew.
    But, no, I came unto the world looking as if I had been Andimiyon’s child. Not once did mother tell him the truth. Nor did she even tell me. So I grew up thinking that my Birth father was with me, and that he was part of my life’s blood. Mother had shown her dislike in me since the beginning. Because I looked more like Higura, she saw me less and less as I grew older. As an infant she would see me once a day to tend to me. The older I grew the less I saw of her, with the exceptions of balls and parties. The more mature I grew, the more I changed.
    With each passing day, I grew closer and closer to Andimiyon. I was always told that he was my father, so I never thought to ask differently. We would play in the gardens and run through the manor. Since he was demon and I was a half-breed, we would get carried away and run a bit fast. Too fast, actually. We ended up slipping down the corridors and running into members of the clan or sometimes even servants. Once when I was around the age of six, I was fast for my age. I raced Andimiyon through every hallway I could manage that did not end up in a dead end. I did not know that my mother had expected company that day, apparently neither did father. This company was a visiting clan member, and very high in status and power. Father and I were on our hands and knees, running like there was no tomorrow. When we had turned the last corridor, I slipped – not having my grippings yet – on the waxed floor and went sliding down the hall…and right into the clan member, sending her sprawling to her back! My mother was so furious, that her always red eyes had darkened into an almost black color.
    “What in the name of magick is going on here?” mother had demanded, anger blazing within her eyes like a spark of fire. “What do you think you were doing?! You should both be ashamed of yourselves!” she shouted as she helped the clan member up to her feet again. I stood up and looked at her. Andimiyon had come up behind me while this all had happened, only now on two feet. I stepped forward as mother was apologizing and bent my head low.
    “Forgive me.” I said. “I was only playing with father. I am sorry, Mother.” She glared at me with hard, dark eyes. Andimiyon was proud of me that I had stood and taken the blame. He stepped up behind me and laid a hand on my shoulder.
    “We are both sorry. It is as much my fault as it is hers.” Mother glowered at us both, but locked that death stare on me after a time. I could tell she was more than angry with me.
    “You should know better! I was acting like a proper young lady should when I was your age! Why can you not act like less of a demon and more of one of your stature?!” she spat at me. Andimiyon winced visibly, but just a little for it to go unnoticed from mother, but I felt it all the same. I was now enraged. I had done nothing wrong that deserved such a question. I squared my shoulders and looked her right into the face.
    “Because, Mother,” I said with a little too much attitude on the word, “Whether I had a choice or not, I am a demon. Even if it is half, nonetheless it is true. Half demon, half vampire. So do excuse me for being what and who I am!” With a moment’s time of staring at her, I turned on my heel and walked to my bedchamber. Shock and anger had flooded mother’s face. I thought I saw a small smile play at the corners of Andimiyon’s mouth. Mother’s mouth had been gaping at the sudden rebelliousness she had witnessed, but was now pressed into a grim line. I thought she had brought it upon herself. The clan member had witnessed all of this and scowled at me. I apologized and got into trouble. Was there no winning? Apparently there was not.
    Stalking to my bedchamber, I had passed by some of the servants, who would step out of my way as soon as they saw my expression. They knew I would never hurt them on purpose, but they moved all the same. I needed some time alone. I walked in, slamming my door and plopped onto my window seat and stared out into the sky. After awhile, I had calmed down some, and the light outside had dimmed, leaving me to stare at the clouds of the afternoon. As I was depicting whether the cloud looked more like a deer or an antelope, something happened to my vision, scaring the breath out of me.
    I had gone from seeing the clouds to seeing my chamber door from in the hall. Andimiyon was knocking and requesting to speak with me. The image faded after that and I seen the clouds again. It had happened so abruptly, that when I went to stand up, I knocked over the pillows that were on my seat and they scattered all over the floor. I ran to my chamber door and threw it open. Andimiyon’s hand was posed just an inch away, ready to knock.
    “Oh!” I gasped. He stared at me in confusion. Had I seen what was going to happen? What did happen?
    “Are you all right? You look as if you have seen the gods themselves.” All I could do was stare at him, eyes wide with fear and shock, for what I had seen before had almost happened if it were not for me opening the door. Had I changed what was supposed to happen? I was not sure. Andimiyon picked me up into his arms and walked me to my bed. Sitting on the edge, he held me in his arms for comfort. “Myth, what is the matter?” Myth was a nickname that everyone called me, short for Mythica since it seemed to be a mouthful. Andimiyon would also sometimes call me his “Little kitten”.
    “I’m frightened.” I whispered. It was all I could manage and I had no clue if he had heard me even say it, but apparently he had.
    “Frightened? Of what?” he kissed the top of my head as he waited for my response. I waited, debating on whether or not to tell him. I figured it was better that he knew.
    “I saw something and it frightened me.”
    “Tell me what you saw.” He said reassuringly.
    “I am not so sure, exactly, what happened.” It came out in a rush. “I was sitting at the window-“I said pointing to the mess in the floor. “-looking at the clouds, when I saw you knocking at my door, asking to speak with me. I was here, and then gone so fast, it startled me!” I looked up at his face to see his reaction, and he smiled his goofy, half smile and explained to me that what I had experienced was called a vision
    “What is a vision, father?” I was never allowed to call him Andimiyon to his face, as if I would ever dream of such a thing in the first place. To me, how was my father. It was very improper and highly frowned upon. Although, so were the other things I got away with around the Manor.
    “A vision is…like a dream of a sort, that you see when you are awake. From the sound of you can see the near future. Perhaps as you grow older, you will be able to see other things as well. What were you thinking before it happened?” he asked. He seemed really excited about all of this.
    “To tell the truth, I really do not know.” I said shrugging. “Basically nothing. Cloud pictures, I think.”
    “Then I would say these are not thinking visions then. Many can have visions when thinking upon certain topics. Yours may just be random, which is very common. You are early, though. Most do not get their gifts until the age of ten or so. I am proud of you, Myth!” he hugged me tightly and it made me smile. After a bit, his voice became serious again. Getting to the point, why he came here in the first place. “The way you spoke to your mother earlier, was not a good thing to do.” My smile faded. I looked at his face to see if he was angry with me, but he was looking towards the far wall. “You should go apologize to her. And then tell her of your gift.”
    “I want to tell her, but I do not want to talk to her. I do not want to pretend to be what I am not, to pretend that I am a half-breed.” Then I froze. My eyes had grown black from their orange-yellow color and my body grew still, face blank. One moment I saw Andimiyon’s face, the next, mother’s bedchamber. She was sitting at her vanity, waiting for me to come groveling to her. “Humph! Now I am certain I will not go to apologize.”
    Andimiyon looked at me, confused by my statement, and then asked if I was all right. My vision cleared and I could see again. Andimiyon looked at me as if I was badly hurt.
    “I am fine, father.” I said crossing my arms. “She is expecting me and my apology. She can stay up all night for all I care. I am not going to act like the others do and bow to her every whim and call.” At that moment, Andimiyon laughed, catching me off guard. “What is so funny?” I asked, irked.
    “Ha-ha. You do not know much of your other side of the family, do you, love?” he laughed.
    “I do not understand.”
    “Your mother’s side of the family does not sleep. I need sleep, of course, to be able to run fast and have the strength to fight. You only need to sleep a few hours a night and you are as wired as a stormgatherer. Since you are only half you do not need as much sleep as I do. I would wager you could go a few good days without sleeping, you could.” He said and smiled.
    “Ah, that would explain all the foot steps I would hear after I retired at night. Although I can go to bed at around four o’clock in the morning I am still up around dawn or so. Noisy undead.” I laughed. Andimiyon smiled along with me. “I think I will go to see mother, now.”
    “Oh, you are, are you?” he asked confused.
    “Yes, but…I do not plan to apologize for my earlier actions. I am merely sharing with her about my…err….” I slipped and had forgotten what it was I even had!
    “…visions, my little kitten.” He finished for me smiling as he shook his head. “I can not make you apologize, but at least you are telling her of your gift.” Hesitantly, I looked up at him and asked a favor. “Um…. Father, could you come with me? This way mother does not assume I am lying to her?” he smiled warmly and nodded. I jumped down off the bed and took his hand as we walked towards mother’s bedchamber upstairs. I did not need to knock, for Andimiyon was with me. The guards did not like me much, I could tell by the look within their eyes. They were my mother’s guards after all.
    “Cynthiana, my dear, Mythica is here and would like to tell you something.” He told her as I hesitantly walked towards the vanity where my mother sat brushing her long red and black hair. I had the same hair only shorter. When I stepped beside her, she set the brush down, closed her eyes and grew very still. Then with a glowering stare she snapped off at me with a hiss in her voice.
    “Have you come here to apologize to me? You owe me at least that much after the way you treated me earlier! And in front of a guest! Have I taught you nothing?” Now I many have been only six years of age, but I know my way through an argument like any other child my age would know where the candy dish was hidden. I am very smart and have a vast imagination for someone so young. My posture became rigid and straight as her tone became more acidic. My hands balled up into fists, but I buried them within my skirts so as not to let mother see them. Try as I might, I could not stop the hiss within my own tone.
    “Actually, I did not. I have done nothing wrong, therefore, I should not have to apologize for-“
    “Nothing wrong?!” she scoffed in disbelief. “You knocked over a clan council member by running through the manor like a banshee!”
    “You act as if I had tried to murder the poor woman. It was a simple mistake! I am still a fledgling, mother, and the age year of six. Not even a full score yet. I also wish you would not ask of me to forget half of who I am. Whether you like it or not, I am half demonic and then half vampiric. Please do not hate me so, when there is nothing I can do to change what I am. Even if I could, I would not do so.” I stormed towards the door of the chamber, but paused before I opened it up. I looked at my mother in a frosty stare that would have stopped her heart had it not already been dead. “Oh, I almost forgot why I even came here. I see visions, mother. I have my gift a good four years early.” The guards had left for their break, so this left me able to eaves drop from outside the door. I peeked inside to see how things went.
    Andimiyon looked at Cynthiana, who was sitting there, mouth agape. He shook his head, running his fingers through his white, waist-length hair and sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed next to the window.
    “What?” Cynthiana snapped. Apparently her patience was wasted this morning.
    “She tries so hard to please you, and then you turn her away as if she were committing treason upon the clan. She came to tell you of her advancement, getting her gift at an early age is a wondrous thing. Though, she came in here and was not there for a moment and bit her head right off, pardon the pun, it was unintended.”
    “She should know better! A lady does not go running around like a hooligan. At her age I was watching political matches and was seen as a proper lady. Never did I run through the manor in such a fashion.”
    “She is a child who must go through differences than you ever had to. She is half demon, on account of me, though it is true. She is very smart, cunning, fast. She can put away many books of information away into that little mind of hers. She is filled with compassion for things and can dream up some incredible things from that vast, cavernous mind. And she has you temper to match.” He declared staring out the window. “She loves you, Cynthiana. I do not understand why you hate her so much.” And with that, he turned to leave. I high-tailed it to the end of the corridor and turned the corner to hide. Andimiyon went the other way towards the stairs.
    Things never did change. I was great in all my studies and was greatly asked for my opinion on things. For years my mother would ignore me and continue to cast me away as if I was bad blood within the family and clan. I would play with Andimiyon; mother would glower and glare at us. Life went on as it were.
    There was once a time when things did eventually change, but I can not say it was for the better. Andimiyon was not his normal self. He would pace a room worried or mad. We had not raced in a fortnight to weeks. When I would ask he would try to hide the worry from me and laugh, smile, and joke around. But his eyes always gave him away. I did not like this side of him and it frightened me to no end. I wanted to know what could cause my care-free father to keep to himself, I had no idea I would find out sooner than I thought.
    It was a month’s count after my eighth birthday. I had seen something dreadful and could not believe what I had seen. I ran from the library where I had been reading, the image still in my head. I entered the foyer where Andimiyon and Cynthiana were talking – or arguing – just as I had seen. If my vision had been correct, then I know knew why my father had changed. Cynthiana could not hate me as she was to full of fear and regret filled Andimiyon’s.
    “There you are Mythica. Dearest daughter, I am afraid I have some bad news to tell-.” He did not have to tell me, I already knew. There had been a war going on with the cat demonics and the dragon demonics in the area for a month now. Andimiyon had been called away to fight in the battle. My vision had shown me two futures and I did not like the outcome of the last one. I was shaken and began to cry. I looked like a mess to add to it all. I had not been feeling well for a while. “Myth, are you all right?”
    “No, I am frightened. I had a vision, Father.” He understood immediately, now. “You can not go. You must stay here! I do not wish for what I saw to be a reality!”
    “I am afraid I must go, Mythica. My men need my assistance out there. I must go.” The way demonic battles go; someone should have won by now, or at the very least found a weak point. Instead we were losing as many men as they were and they kept bringing in new dragonics. He had been called away before, but this time if he came back at all – it would be dead.
    “You can not go. You must stay here with us.” Mother was shocked that I had said “us” and “me”. I may not love her anymore, but I do have a heart.
    “I am their leader; I must go to them if they need me. If they did not need me, I would not go, but that is not the case. I will return home soon, love. I promise.” He began to walk towards me.
    “Father, please, this is not necessary. Stay here. I love you, father.” I pleaded. I started to feel a little weak kneed, but put it off as all the emotional stress.
    “As I love you, my little kitten, but I have to go.” He was only a few feet from me now, and I stepped back a couple of steps. He stopped where he was after seeing my reaction. I never backed away from him, unless something was truly wrong. “Please, try to understand. I do wish things could be different.” I could not hear him. Moving was a bad idea. The walls were unbalanced. Swaying here and there, voices muffled. I began to see black spread its way around my vision and things began to become blurry. I felt my body sway off balance. The last thing I remembered seeing was Andimiyon –fast as lightening – had run to catch me before I it the ground, calling my name with fear in his eyes. His voice was miles away, and then, finally, everything went black.
    I awoke in my bedchamber. Mother stood by the door, Andimiyon was at the end of the bed, speaking with someone who carried a leather tote bag. Was I ill? What was going on? I though I did not get sick. I wanted to remember what had happened, but I was too tired. I had the strangest urge to cry and a small sob had escaped from me before I could stop it. Andimiyon was at my side in the next instant with the other man on my other side. Mother glared and walked out without a word.
    “Shh. Do not cry little one. It will all be fine.” He comforted me. He dried my tears that had escaped without my say so. The other man placed a hand upon my forehead. He felt warmer than the living normally did. He was a Wereanimal, different than the demons. Demons shift into any form of their range, like any cat or dragon they wish to after they learn. Wereanimals can only shift into one animal, though biodiversity does still stay in effect.
    “Am I …ill? What is wrong?” my voice was hoarse and my throat dry. My body felt racked with spasms and sorely limp. “Have I been sleeping long?”
    “My dear child, you have been this way or nearly two days now. You have what is called the Demonic Blunder. Only demons can get this, though rarely. You were not even supposed to get the disease until at least after your ears and tail had fully developed. I believe since you are only half demon, it took a great toll upon your young body. To get rid of this disease you must drink plenty of fluids and stay in bed and rest. Too much exertion could severely harm your body. All the emotional stress you have had could have also helped it along.” I nodded and scooted closer to Andimiyon who seemed out of sorts and somewhere else.
    “Father? Is something wrong?” he looked at me with those sad eyes. “You do not have to say if you do not wish.” I closed my eyes and he began to rock me slowly.
    “My sweet daughter, you are too weak right now. Sleep and I will see you again, when…I come home again.” I wanted to ask him what he meant, but sleep was trying to win me over. As I drifted into oblivion, I thought I may have heard Andimiyon whispering, “My fault, I am so sorry. Forgive me.” I pulled as close as I could, before I went completely under.
    I awoke the next morning to the bright sunshine through the window. The chamber maid had come and gone, for the room was tidy and clean. I could not understand why the Manor felt deathly quiet. I got out of bed and threw on my dressing robe over my nightdress I had on. I felt a little wobbly, but managed. I peeked outside of my door, but no one was there. Odd. I walked through the halls and realized I did not see Andimiyon. I went to the stables where he would spend his mornings with his black stallion, Thundra – even though he could run fast, he enjoyed working with Thundra but would not take the horse anywhere but on occasional rides –but not even the stable boy was there. I looked around everywhere. Over on the hills, past the gates of the manor, was Andimiyon, dressed for war, taking one last look at home before he left.
    “Father! Father! Do not go! Do not leave!” it all cam swarming back at me, what had happened and what he had meant the day before. He was leaving for war…and his own death. I ran as fast as my weak body would carry me to the gates. They were locked and the two guards there would not let me pass. Pain filled their eyes as I cried out for my father. “Let me through! I have to stop him!” but they did not budge.
    “I am sorry, little Mistress, but Master Andimiyon said that you might try this. He forbade us from letting you through. We have to make sure you stay here.” They did not want to stop me; I could see it in their eyes. Their hearts bled for me and they were heavy. I finally quit my struggles and my legs buckled out from under me and I was tired again. One of the guards called over to the gardener who happened to have been working on his plants at the time. “You there, escort the young Mistress back to the manor and her bedchamber. She is still too ill to be out.”
    “Yes sir,” he said coming towards me. He reached out his hand and with one glance back to see my father, he was gone. With a tear escaping down my face, I took his hand and let him lead me to the manor. I became too tired by the time we reached the stairs and he knew it. He picked me up and carried me up.
    For days I stayed within my chamber, never leaving. I had some blood and occasional meats brought up to my room everyday around midday. I would stare out the window at the hills for hours, or sleep on my window seat. The staff around the house – the ones who cared for me enough to do so – worried about me. I had overcome Demonic Blunder and it had not left its mark on me, nevertheless I did not do much. When I needed to move about I would train with my swords with the other guards as I used to in the training field. Mother could not have cared less for me as the servants did. She never asked about me nor did she check on me herself. Three weeks turned into a month, then another and another. Then my life began to change again. I was watching the hills as the guards went for a water break during training, when I seen something at the top of the hills. I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me again like the many dreams I had. Then I saw more and more coming over the hills.
    I took off for the gates; the guards looked up to see what was going on and began to come as well. Apparently it was no dream. They were home! I ran to the gates and this time, they let me through. I kept going until I was at the base of the hill where the leads were already coming. My red dress billowed in the wind – I had not remembered getting dressed that day. My eyes sparkled as I seen Mikaih and Noritz in the front. I knew most of them, for I had been to the pack several times before and even had favorites. They would always smile when I came around and were always at ease to play and race. But now, when they seen me, they looked away pained and anguished. This was not good. What had happened? My smile faded. They had tears within their eyes and not one smiled when they seen me as they usually did. They would walk passed me in silence a grief.
    I asked Nocona – one of the younger ones – the outcome of the battle. He told me sadly and morosely that we had won the battle, if you called it a victory. He realized he had said too much because he turned away from me. I did not know all of these demons, but they knew me, I looked like my mother but my stances and posture and instincts were my father, so I was easily pointed out. Finally I saw a wagon being pulled my two of the biggest demon cats I had ever seen. One was a white tiger the other was a blue puma. I did not know these demons personally. They stopped just in front of me. The puma lowered his head and brushed his head against my side. The tiger had lain his head over my shoulder as if to hug me. I patted both of them before they began walking again, tears in their eyes, and that was when I seen him.
    On the wagon they were pulling…was my father. I was stung into motionlessness. Quickly to rid myself of the sight, I bounded past them all, each watching me with a heavy heart, and ran back to the Manor. When I turned past the gates, I ran right into my chamber maid. She steadied me and then knelt down and took my face in her hands.
    “Dear child, whatever is the matter?”
    “The soldiers are home, we won the war.” I sobbed. She looked confused.
    “Then why are you crying?”
    “Father … he’s … he’s dead!” I choked out. When she heard that one word, she pulled me close so I would not see her pain. Mine was enough, I didn’t need more. She picked me up and carried me, crying, to my mother’s chamber door. She leaned in to whisper to her guard. She told him to inform Duchess Cynthiana that Master Andimiyon was dead. Then she took me away to my room and hushed me until I had cried myself to sleep. She left long enough to pay respects to Andimiyon before she went and got me a mourning gown, then was back. The next day was his funeral. Servants, family, pack, and the village had shown up. I walked to his limp body, tears in my eyes, and placed a hand on his. I wanted to die that day.
    I turned around stiffly, all eyes were on me. I looked at my mother and she looked away from me. I put two shovels of dirt in his grave to show my respect and then went back to his body. I left my favorite pewter bat charm in his hand. My chambermaid held my shoulder as I watched the pack lower his body into the ground. My father, my friend, and my heart were buried that day. Days passed, the mansion was silent, dark, and depressing. One day, about a week after the funeral, my chambermaid came to me with one of my mother’s guards.




    Submitted on 2009-10-07 14:01:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Always keep checking this sumbimission, you never know when I will add more to it. I apologize for taking so long on this story, but things do not come to me over night all of the time. I am working hard on this, I would like to crave your indulgence and patience and it will be with you soon.

    Mythica
    | Posted on 2010-03-16 00:00:00 | by Mythica | [ Reply to This ]
      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    To all who have read this and my friends who said they would by it when I FINALLY got it published.....

    I am renaming the story from "My World" to "The Half-Breed."

    I thank mom for the idea even though you would think I would come up with it on my own, I dodn't. Thanks to everyone and I hope you all will enjoy it when you buy the book. Thanks for all of the support!!!!


    Mythica (=^_^.
    | Posted on 2010-01-25 00:00:00 | by Mythica | [ Reply to This ]
      I understand what you mean about the ages and names. I have a reason I keep their names, because she does not consider Cynthiana her mother anymore, and it is like she is telling the story to a friend or something. Also with Andimiyon, she has issues calling him her father since she knows that Higura is her real father at the time of telling the story. I will post the other section as i get it typed out. and I thank you for taking the time to read the looooong submission.

    Mythica
    | Posted on 2009-10-21 00:00:00 | by Mythica | [ Reply to This ]
      you should keep going! this is very interesting, and I would love to read more. But, in the begining, you keep using names for the parents, after the time would be best to switch to mother and father. Another thing I see is that 6 and 8 are ages too young for these kind of emotions and thoughts, try upping the ages, say to 10 and 12, and the base age for the visions closer to 16. The very beginning you may want to put as a prologue, and pick up after the mother and 'father' get married.

    Very much like it, hope to read more,
    Lady Rose
    | Posted on 2009-10-19 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ]


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