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    dots Submission Name: RAGE!!!!!!dots

    Author: stormkrow
    ASL Info:    24/ male / Montello Wi
    Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 51/52/39
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 564
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 343


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Filled with rage I am trapped
    In my own cage why must I
    Land on the very last page
    Must not engage my final
    Stage of my rage all alone

    On the frightful stage of my rage
    The Titians rage must not engage

    Trapped in my cage filled with

    Submitted on 2009-10-09 22:55:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I’m going to be completely honest with you here.
    I really disliked this….writing
    It’s just so…crammed together, and it doesn’t make much sense. I mean sure you’re mad but that is no reason to be repetitive you said Rage quite often and there are other words for anger that would have allowed it to be more….interesting.

    Must not engage my final
    Stage of my rage all alone

    On the frightful stage of my rage
    The Titians rage must not engage

    Rage, stage, rage, stage
    See what I mean?
    Now I’m not going to completely bash this piece the idea is fine just, describe your feelings a bit more and you’ll have yourself a much better piece.
    Instead of saying “stage of my rage” twice you could re word it a bit.

    My advice is to give this some serious editing.
    Whenever I write, I tend to completely relax, clear my mind, and then the words just flow. Of course everyone has different methods but that’s just how I roll.

    --Don’t give up though,
    Princess of Ra.
    | Posted on 2009-10-10 00:00:00 | by Princess of Ra | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I have to say this poem has the potential to be a lot better, I like the idea and I can tell that the words are meant to be strong and filled with fury, the thing is this piece is a bit jumbled together. Perhaps if you spaced it out a bit more and elaborated a tad, about how the rage makes you feel. Also in this part…

    Filled with rage I am trapped
    In my own cage why must I
    Land on the very last page

    I get the impression here that you just wanted to rhyme words more than express rage, though of course that is just from my viewpoint.
    If you stressed a bit more on why the rage makes you feel trapped I think this poem would be able to improve greatly.
    | Posted on 2009-10-10 00:00:00 | by PrinceofDark | [ Reply to This ]

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