Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Breathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Scaredheart
    ASL Info:    15/ Female/ NC
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 92/62/50
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 32
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1534



    Description:
       I, was just looking at a picture and this flooded my head.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I looked at a painting,
    but what did I see.
    Maybe a soul,
    captured but free.
    Maybe words,
    unspoken but strong.
    Maybe it was life,
    so short but so long.

    Whatever it was,
    it left me amazed.
    Stunned into silence,
    by the beauty it brings.
    My mind frozen in time,
    taking in ever curve and place.
    Making a mockery of me,
    and my ability to write.

    It was so simple,
    but so complex.
    Every stroke of the brush,
    leaving a bit of the tension behind it.
    I saw the artist,
    in his room.
    Painting his life,
    with a mini-Broom.

    I saw the window,
    that he sat upon.
    I saw the color's,
    in there tubes.
    And it amazed me even more,
    when I could see his child.
    she came running into the room,
    long golden curls flowing.

    But that's not why I kept staring,
    long after my group had moved on.
    what made me keep looking,
    was not the feeling or wonders.
    But the fact that his daughter,
    must have looked just like her mother.
    cause in the painting I could see,
    the tender love he left for me.

    I left that room,
    with a fatal sigh.
    I left that day,
    with one thing on my mind.
    How many days,
    have I looked to my family and not taken it in.
    Maybe that's why,
    my art is so dim . . . .




    Submitted on 2009-10-11 21:25:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I tried to comment on this before but my computer froze :S

    The imagery you've used is divine, it's painted a beautiful portrait in my mind. But not only that, it's filled my head with sounds and smells so much so that I can imagine the sunlight bouncing of lush, golden hair as a child plays freely, pleasantly naive of the fact that another dotes on her so. It takes a lot of practice to be able to write with such perfection, but you seem to be a natural. The verses flow flawlessly with one another, I can't find any rough spots. The second last stanza is definitely my favourite.

    You write fervently for this artwork, it's only right someone does the same for yours. This poem is truly a work of art. Thank you for sharing it with us.
    | Posted on 2009-10-13 00:00:00 | by Iffy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    179297



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry