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    dots Submission Name: Falling in love with the Darknessdots

    Author: Xiallia
    ASL Info:    17-F-Missing Osaka[IL]
    Elite Ratio:    1.49 - 3/23/32
    Words: 329
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 543
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2129

       wow....incest much DDDD
    jus wow...I like this one...

    okay...I forgot to really do the description thing :3

    Meh...I just wrote what I felt in my head atm sooo...nyeh nyeh...I could write better than this I know I can! I need to pay attention in english class more

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalling in love with the Darknessdots

    I'm Torn.

    My Mother is of Light.
    Whilst My Father is of Darkness.
    Where does this leave me?

    My Mother says the Light is safer.
    But is it really?
    I despise the Light,
    the Darkness welcomes me more.
    The Darkness is where I feel safe.

    My Father says what my Mother does.
    The Light is safe for you.

    Why should I stay, where I don't feel happy.

    I stand before the Dark Void that is the entrance to
    everyone's nightmare's,


    Very few can allow themselves not to be fully consumed
    By the Dark abyss

    I look Inside, I see my Father standing there
    holding out his hand. Waiting to guide me.
    My mother by my side allowing me to go with him.

    I slowly step through.
    Suddenly I find myself falling...falling..

    My Father slowly fading away from me.
    I reach him as fast as I could.
    I fall into his arms with a warm embrace
    I've never felt happier then at this moment.

    He wraps his arms around me ever so lovingly
    willing to protect me at every chance he gets.
    Until I'm strong enough to fight by his side.
    to Rule with him.

    I look up to him with a smile,
    he looks down to me smiling back.
    In the heat of the moment
    We lean closer to each other.
    Our faces only inches away

    Deeper and Deeper into the Darkness we fall
    in the safety of his arms.

    Soon our lips gently meet.
    A surge of power flowing though us both
    A power that neither of us ever felt.

    What is this feeling we feel?

    We both pull away slowly
    A light blush on our faces.

    I gaze into his dark eyes.
    He gazes back.

    "My sweet Daughter...." he starts.
    "Welcome to my World...the world of Darkness"

    Submitted on 2009-10-12 14:44:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hun, I'd love to see this in story form. I really would. I think you could make a pretty good tale out of this. The luminescent, angelic mother and the dark, brooding father. A tale of both woe and wonder! I think it'd be a great story.

    As for poetry, it's very modern styled. I'm more of a fan of old-fashioned poetry. Though, God knows I can't write it myself. xD A good example of my kind of poetry? Passionbyapathy. He's on ES. Check him out sometime. *sighs wistfully* He is absolutely brilliant.

    There's emotion in the poem. I know a bit more of it than some might as I've been exposed to a little behind the scenes, I think.

    Anyway. Good write. Keep at it. With time, anything can be mastered. :)

    <3 Sweets

    | Posted on 2009-10-12 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      Remember tenses:

    "I reach him as fast as I could"

    I reached him as fast as I could

    "I fall into his arms with a warm embrace"

    fall into his warm embrace/he falls into my warm embrace or we embrace each other warmly,

    butwhat you have there is something like: "I put my hand into his warm hand and took his hand.

    Aside from a few grammatical errors which I am generally don't make a fuss about, I have to say this piece was rotten. Seriously it was horribly cliché, the most original thing about it was that you went for shock value with incest, but the concept is dumb as a doornail. I see you thinking to yourself:

    "ooooh I'm going to be dark in my next poem, so dark, bit of incest in there just for the heck of it, oooh I'm so dark and brooding, look at how I contrast darkness and light here, aren't I clever?"

    Well no. Your not, this is some of the most generic writing I've seen on ES, I've come across badly written poems attempting to do something great, or good attempts, but this was really boring, un-imaginative and the most un-nerving thing about it is not that you may be implying an incestuous relationship, but that you were so desperate for subject matter that you barely thought the thing through when you did put it in.

    Next time you try to write about something serious make sure you keep a bit of realism, the tone taken throughout was completely at odds with what you where trying to say, that's assuming you even know.

    | Posted on 2009-10-12 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

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