History by XxXTwinkleXxX

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Submission Name: History dots

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Author:	XxXTwinkleXxX
Elite Ratio:	3.81 - 1/2/3
Words:	61

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	48
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	510

Description:
What use is history if we don't draw anything from it? With all the crap going on in the world right now, I can easily say that learning about the past certainly hasn't taught us much about the fact that we need to STAND UP against what is wrong!

History

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Cruelty.
Brutality.
Viciousness.
Malice.
Words, just words on paper.
Or spoken noises.
Mouths moving. Eyes moving.
Hearts... Moving?
Pity. Useless pity.
Rage? Maybe. Guilt? Probably.
Action? None.
We take the past
and make it the present.
Mistakes, errors, wrong-doings.
Over and over and over and over again.
Do we never learn?
Do we never learn?

Submitted on 2009-10-13 12:14:31 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
Thank you for the criticism at the beginning of your comment about my writing style, I will certainly take a lot of what you said into account. Nonetheless, I find the last part of your comment quite... Accusing? Maybe my poem didn't properly convey the message I wanted to send, or I wasn't able to make my poem powerful enough for its topic (which I agree with, actually) but I don't believe thats a reason to say that I don't care or don't follow what is happening in the world around me. Still, believe what you will.

Anyways, I must admit that this poem was a spur of the moment thing - written in history class (thus the title) so you're right in saying it didn't receive a great amount of thought in the choice of vocabulary nor in the way it is structured. It was really my thoughts down on paper; un-organized and fractured as they came.

Nevertheless, I thank you again for your comment! It certainly has given me a lot to think improvement-wise.
| Posted on 2009-10-13 00:00:00 | by XxXTwinkleXxX | [ Reply to This ]
This doesn't pack much of a punch, it reads less like poetry and more like hackneyed rhetoric. I get what your saying, I got that in the description, but your writing is too vague and lacklustre to get any kind of message across. It has very little to say that's constructive, the pessimism seemingly inherrent is mis-placed because the statements made are so run of the mill and the words so un-imaginative, I think you could put more thought into your poetry by writing for yourself instead of feigningdisgust at current events you don't seem much involved in.

-Craig
| Posted on 2009-10-13 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

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