this is a really interesting concept.. i hate sleeping during the day cause i always wake up feeling so disoriented and confused.. is that what inspired this? sort of imposing the sensation of confusion to your writing..? that's what it made me think of at any rate..
btw.. you have a few typos here and there (tare, and someone is one word..)..
i especially liked the stanza:
'These are the ashes Of a man Who bled all he was onto paper to never be forgotten'
...the sense of desperation.. the need to not be forgotten. it's portrayed really well.
got lots of soul on paper...writing things down makes it more permanent in my opinion, so this is a concept i can relate to thinking of before...i like the idea, may i tell you what i think would be really interesting to twist on it? if you add a bit from someone's point of view, like the person who's reading this guy...dunno, somethin to ponder. i always take sh:t one step too far, so this may not even be a decent idea, but ehhh...anything's worth tryin, i figure. latah grey one~april
I'll tell you that this is a different type of poem that I'm used to. I'm still learning in the poetry circuit, so whenever I read something, I try to incorporate it in my writing...this free verse is pretty deep, yes. I know how you feel. I could write a paragraph, but let's just say I can relate to this and I like it.
Hey, you know I love this one too. And as I told you when you first wrote it, absolutely love the last stanza, especially the last two lines. I seem to have lost my pen. What a definining conclusion. It also looks like you've messed with it a little bit since I first read it. Taken some words out, a bit of tweaking here and there. Looks good. Kudos. ~A