[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Bee stings (Veil of shit)dots

    Author: Flynn
    ASL Info:    24/M/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.77 - 74/123/48
    Words: 338
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Angry
    Total Views: 546
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2259

       Purely completely selfish message to you, old friend, upon whom I invested and wasted so much of my time.
    You are to me what I am to you.

    Old friendships fall hard, and the bee's sting leaves a legacy of fuck all.

    Fuck Michigan.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBee stings (Veil of shit)dots

    I'm leaving you
    Like you left me
    In dust
    Lies, the shit you say
    Fuck me over like you did every day

    My twitterpated eyes could not see
    Through the curtain of shit drawn over me
    This is how it all begins
    How it all will end

    Once I said fuck you all
    Once I screamed off this rust
    Once I sang of my lust
    Once I sang of my pain

    Heard enough from you now
    Heard everything
    Do what your told
    Bow down like
    the one's you've served
    Maybe I'll show you mercy
    You'll get what you deserve

    I am the Joker
    The smile's a scar
    left by the agony of what you are
    A bee who stung
    Never listened to the songs I've sung
    Heard their words
    Not their meaning
    With a vital penstroke I am cleaning
    my life of you
    of all you do
    the lies, the shit
    the vein, you hit

    My twitterpated eyes could not see
    Through the curtain of shit drawn over me
    This is how it all begins
    How it all will end

    Heard enough from you now
    Heard everything
    Bow down like the
    ones you claim you've served
    Maybe I'll show you mercy
    (fuck) You'll get what you deserve

    You're tearing me to pieces
    Threw my heart gainst the wall
    I've bared it all before you
    'Told me you've heard it all
    Wallow in your self pity
    You like to be in pain
    You've said this all before now
    You're saying it again'

    I'll be widening this fracture
    I'll put fire to your faded picture
    Put the sharpened edge on our vein
    I'll be wallowing in my pain

    In your lies, your shit
    The vein, you hit
    The words, you spoke
    Honesty lies in lies you took
    I'll give, you'll take
    And know I'll forsake

    Cause this is how it all begins
    This is how it all will end.

    Submitted on 2009-10-15 00:05:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, a really powerful piece. A lot comes to mind, too much to write down and seemingly disconnected anyway.

    There's a lot of anger flowing from it, and it made me think of betrayal of some kind, or suppression, betrayal of trust.

    I am the Joker
    The smile's a scar
    left by the agony of what you are

    I particularly liked how this part flowed, but also because of what it implies, seeing as those that are hurt hide behind a smile. Sometimes it's painful to watch, not many see what's hidden behind the mask. I digress.

    I'm leaving you
    Like you left me
    In dust
    Lies, the [censored] you say
    [censored] me over like you did every day

    I like the minimalistic wording again, each word weighs a ton, quick and meaningful, that's what I like. Some parts of the poem don't flow as well as this part in my humble opinion.
    It tells the entire story in just a few words, broken sentences. Flawless, no needless words.

    All in all it's perfect, frustration you couldn't have voiced otherwise, written down in words.
    I hope it leaves you in peace now.


    | Posted on 2009-12-27 00:00:00 | by Urisen | [ Reply to This ]
      So harsh

    So cold

    I open my wings

    For your slumber

    Shuddering, the feathers

    They tremble

    I will hide the darkened light

    Behind a veiled seraphim's sheet

    Here you will rest

    Here you will sleep

    I lull your nightmares

    With songs so sweet

    A haunting caress

    'Gainst your cheek so wet

    Stained with tears

    Of rust, regret

    Here you will find solace

    A kiss so tender to taste

    Your own, your place
    | Posted on 2009-10-15 00:00:00 | by SanctityExposed | [ Reply to This ]
      "With a vital penstroke I am cleaning my life of you" -I love that line. It sent shivers down my spine, left cold surges pulsing throughout my body.

    The unfortunate thing is that I know the feeling this piece of yours is conveying, but from the other side of the table. It was heartbreaking, at least at first, to lose her. I "lost" a friend of mine because she thought I betrayed her trust. It was a huge misunderstanding. However, I suppose I am better off. I wish her all the best. I took every blow she delivered, all the way down. -obviously that's what she wanted. I couldn't argue with her.

    "I screamed off this rust" also really hit me. As cliché as it may be to say, that was quite the poetic line within this work. I mean, there were a few of them that really stood out, but that one I loved.

    I better stop rambling.

    | Posted on 2009-10-15 00:00:00 | by misschalloner | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Linger written by saartha
    Bond written by saartha
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Push written by JanePlane
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]