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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It Wasn't So Bad (Losing You)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LadyInRed88
    ASL Info:    19/f/MO
    Elite Ratio:    3.68 - 131/180/32
    Words: 290
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1771
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1817



    Description:
       When someone leaves you in order to find something 'better', there is nothing sweeter than the thought of them realizing what they gave up, and being the ones with the heartache.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt Wasn't So Bad (Losing You)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It wasnt so bad,
    (Losing you...)

    The same world kept on turning,
    The same stars hung in the sky...
    The birds kept on singing,
    The sun still melted into the night...
    The days were nothing special,
    They were all that they should be...
    And everyone went about their way,
    (Everyone but me.)

    For me the world turned a little slower,
    I watched the sun go down alone..
    Instead of seeing the stars from YOUR eyes,
    I watched them from my own...
    The birds' songs weren't music anymore,
    I'd lost the only heaven I'd ever had...
    I had to build a new life without you,
    But still-
    It wasnt really all that bad...

    I thought about the good times,
    How while you'd kiss me I'd feel you smile...
    The way your eyes would burn right through me,
    And fill my soul with fire...
    Oh how safe I felt in your arms,
    Listening to your heartbeat..
    And oh the way I loved you with all I had-
    (You meant the world to me.)

    I dont fall asleep in your arms anymore,
    I dream alone as I dream of you...
    And I wake up crying when I think of when,
    Your eyes said you no longer loved me too...
    But one day I know you will remember me-
    And the way I held you tight...
    And YOU'LL be the one who wishes for ME,
    On each star in the sky..
    You'll want me back-
    And ask me to let you fill my heart again,
    But I'll refuse to let you in..
    And in that moment, when the tables turn,
    And I leave YOU feeling sad..
    I'll smile as I assure you,
    "Babe,
    Its REALLY not that bad.."




    Submitted on 2004-07-20 19:12:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      wow. i dont even know what to say. just like everything else i read by u, this was really good. i love the way it ends & i love every word of it.

    * nikkki *
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      I have mixed emotions. I liked what you did with the subject - you handled it gracefully, to be certain. But there were a few things that didn't quite sit right with me. One being I didn't get the switch form the first and second stanza at first. I thought you were saying it really wasn't all that bad, as if you weren't affected, and then you were saying that it did affect you, so I went back to mull that and realized that you didn't actually say that you were okay, in fact, you were saying everyone but you. But it threw me for a minute.
    While I understood why you capitalized, I think it might have added confidence to what you were saying without them. Just here are the facts, deal with them. You don't deserve my emotions.
    And the last thing is my personal pet peeve, which is lack of apostrophes and stuff. It just always seems to me so young.
    But, this technical stuff is pretty much all I found I wasn't into.
    The words you used, the phrasing, all of that I loved. I esp. loved the line "I dream alone as I dream of you..." I could see it in my head and it felt like a blow to my gut. Pretty powerful stuff.

    ~ Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-01-09 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      You really deserve some praise here. This subject matter is so used and overused that to take it and turn it into something that people want to read means that you gave it a new twist. In my opinion you performed this new twist through just plane beautifull rhyme and writing. Excellent poem!
    | Posted on 2004-07-24 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      This was an interesting emotional rollercoaster ride that you've taken us on. At first I thought, she's coping well. Then I was like, maybe not. just when I think you're going to start spiralling down too far, you throw that twist in, and you come out on top. Very nicely done.
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I love how much detail and emotion you put into this. This sends the message of hope for many people. And this seems like the ultimate revenge poem at the end. Great job. You write beautifully!
    --blt
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      it was sad but still filled with a little hope that someday it would be okay and you would be okay. the tables will turn and they will see what they have lost. who knows, eh? this was well-written, and the rhyme did not seemed forced. i do agree, though, about the capitals. i don't think it is necessary. good write!
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very sweet poem. It captivated me throughout, and you really illustrated the suprise at how the world keeps on turning after a big break-up. I like how at the end, you start getting really optimistic. Maybe instead of using all caps for important words, just capitalizing the first letter.
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]
      haha...sweet justice...and charma kissed cruelty...this is a road we've all been down a time or two...loved to hear it spoken...i had that "right on!" attitude rockin...nice...good words..
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      for serious... baby you got real style here! i mean... its like the ultimate revenge... to know the one who dismissed you wants you back but youve moved on and are strong enough to live without them... and im loving the end
    babe... its REALLY not that bad... poor snot... he'll be kicking himself for life for giving you up but i guess it was his choice...
    im loving the first stanza... how the world kept on going the same and then in parenthesis kinda like an after thought you excluded yourself from the continuation of a "normal" life and then how you went on to expand on the wrongness of your world without him but not all bitter like but very matter of factly... walking the reader through the relationship and the closeness of the bond you shared with him... and the pain of it seeming to mean nothing all of a sudden but then the victory of growing a life without him... im completely awed by your work... awesome stuff!
    | Posted on 2004-11-01 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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