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    dots Submission Name: When the World is Puddle-Muddledots

    Author: isselman2001
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 37/47/46
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 773
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1083


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen the World is Puddle-Muddledots

    When the world is puddle-muddle
    And the worms within the ground
    Shake their tired little bodies
    And the wind goes round and round,
    Then the joy-filled little children
    Dressed like yellow Eskimos
    Stomp and splash at their reflections
    And await the coming snows.
    What a wonderland awaits them
    When the cold air takes its flight:
    All the world is clothed and furnished
    In a cozy froth of white.
    And it melts and drizzles coolness
    Drop by drop and tick by tock,
    As the quiet of the morning
    Is reflected on the clock.
    All the creatures of the forest
    Who await the world’s rebirth
    Rise again renewed with vigor
    And a never-ending mirth.
    Suddenly the sun is hotter
    And the kids stay out till night
    Telling ghost tales by the campfire,
    Staying warm throughout the night.
    And the world again exhausted
    Makes a final drowsing sweep
    Once again enters its blanket,
    Once again makes time for sleep.

    Submitted on 2009-10-17 14:17:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm never usually one for rhyming poetry, UNLESS it is pulled off well. And you have certainly succeeded in that respect.

    Man, I absolutely love this rhythm! Applying this kind of rhythm to almost any piece makes it enjoyable to read, I find.

    I agree with BlueTorcher. I love the cyclical nature of it. That's a poetic technique that I really appreciate, starting someplace, heading to another, and then returning. And, of course, when it comes to cycles, the two most common are indeed the water cycle and the seasonal cycle. You put the seasonal cycle to good use here, using little elements here and there to tell us which season was which. You actually caught me by surprise for a moment, because I wasn't expecting it to cycle through seasons. I thought it was going to be a winter poem, but then you snuck up on me with spring (I obviously wasn't paying close enough attention), and I didn't realize what had happened until you reached summer.

    I kind of like that, actually. It's good to throw your readers for a loop sometimes.

    My favourite line is: "Drop by drop and tick by tock"
    It reminds me of the poem 'anyone lived in a pretty how town' by e
    cummings, especially because of the wording in this stanza:
    "when by now and tree by leaf
    she laughed his joy she cried his grief
    bird by snow and stir by still
    anyone's any was all to her"

    That poem also happens to be cyclical too, moving from season to season. If you haven't read it, you should. It's one of my favourite pieces from e cummings.

    Great piece, issel! ^_^

    | Posted on 2010-06-01 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      It liked this.

    In simple words, lol, first of all I loved the first five lines too utter pieces! Especially about the worms shaking their little tired bodies. That one verse made me smile.

    Interesting topic, one I've tried to write around but never accomplished anything like this. The imagery in this poem is astounding, the line about the yellow Eskimos creates a cute little vibe to it that makes the write light and enjoyable. And I'm guessing you were referring to the traditional yellow rain slickers that are seen in books and things; if not could you clarify.

    I really liked the cycling of the poem, like a never ending circle taking us from one season to another all the way back around. The rhyme scheme was also enjoyable ,not overly obvious. Yet it stood out enough to get the rythm of the poem. Anyway fabulous write, I personaly can think of no way(s) to make it better.

    Thanks for the read.

    | Posted on 2009-10-18 00:00:00 | by BlueTorcher | [ Reply to This ]

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