Can everything really be okay? I'm still not convinced....
I used to live a life that if I was found out would of netted me a great deal of time in prison. It's not a subject that I care to recall in it's entirety and wouldn't ever divulge certain details to anyone ever. Please don't go thinking I was some mass murderer or something but basically I got in with certain people that shipped goods if you like at the age of 16. And through natural process as I got older, bigger and more useful. And, I was used.
Mainly for the transport of things, a kind of chaperone to make sure that all the cogs are moving in the right direction. It very rarely got ugly, but when it did, it was not nice. I personally never harmed anyone more than a right foot to the side of head or whatever it took to get them to be laid on the floor. What i saw happen was a lot worse.
I looked at myself one day from an outside perspective and I scared myself so much I had to leave. As in disappear forever and never make contact with anyone that was involved in this life I had lived for the last three years. So I did.
At the young age of 19 I learned my lesson. I knew what it meant to have had and lost, but I'll touch on that area later.... Continuing with the issue at hand....
I moved from this area of the UK, and my girlfriend at the time and mother of my child thought I was going to work back in my home town monday to friday and was going to travel by coach every other weekend to go see her. I'll always remember that face for as long as I live. The photograph is etched into my soul with the most amazing attention to detail no camera could every compare.
For this picture of my true love, and my little baby girl could very well be the last time I see either again. I also left a job that was paying me near £1000 a week plus the commission of various other dealings. I've never been so rich or so happy to be honest. Apart from the dodgy not so brillant areas I had the perfect lifestyle. A 19 year old boy, with more money than he could spend, a absolute stunner of a girlfriend that was 27 and very experianced in the bedroom, and the most beautiful daughter. If there's a god, then he crafted her with his own hands and then when his work was done, it was deemed a true masterpiece by all, with no exceptions. I wish I could see her now, I would give everything I own to see her for just one day, and to feel her arms around my neck and to hear her call me daddy. Last time I saw her she was in her mothers arms, at the age of just 18 months giving me a kiss. The one true moment of my life I that always gives me a smile and then an instant twang of pain immediately after.
That twang of pain after endless months of tears near drove me to suicide. I sat on top of the building for nearly 20 hours, but I never managed that final push.... Does that me a coward or does that make me brave? I still haven't decided....
To be continued....
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Submission Name: Will I Ever Be Okay?
