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    dots Submission Name: Something I should've knowndots

    Author: Zai
    ASL Info:    24/m/US
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 66/145/98
    Words: 724
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Sorry
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4128

       The 'chorus' that's repeated is derived from the chorus in 'soundtrack 2 my life' by Kid Cudi and I sang it in my head in the same way as the song.

    Everything else is mine, and truer then I wish it were. I thought that maybe if I put these on paper then it might get easier... We'll see, I suppose.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomething I should've knowndots

    My mom was diagnosed for death when I was just 13,
    Who knew then that 7 years was all there could ever be?
    I blamed her for the loneliness that I felt in Jr. High,
    and I blamed her for the attempted suicides, I never tried.
    I was never the son that I wish I could have been.
    I was too proud, I thought they'd never understand,
    It took a life for me to realize I was a foolish kid.
    (And now I sit here wondering just what ever could have been)

    I'm sorry momma, that I could never see
    The things that you were for me were everything to me.
    I bring them for the light so that anyone can see,
    These are the words I left unsaid,
    the words I left unsaid.

    I never said "I love you" enough, but that's just how it is.
    In the family you raised me love was in the services.
    When you tried to solve depression to stop my 'tempted suicides,
    When you tried to keep your condition from interupting my life.
    I kept these next words hidden, 'cause I was afraid they might be true.
    How could I ever admit that I thought I hated you?
    God! I was so wrong, with the thought you never knew,
    I should have known then, should have seen it from the start.
    I hated that you were trying to protect my fragile heart.
    And you were giving me a future where I could learn to forgive the past.
    I can't count how many times you paved me another path.
    From when you paid for the counsling, to when you supported me in Track.
    And when I dropped out of high school, you never turned your back.
    You pointed me to U3 so I could get ahead of where I was at.
    And then you kept on fighting with me, even though I hardly spoke,
    Even though I didn't think you knew how much I was going through.
    I thought it was better to hide 'cause no one likes it when I'm depressed,
    So I learned 'what you dont know wont hurt you' and acted in earnest
    To be a happy person even though I was distressed.
    I hoped they'd stop worrying, after all it was for the best.
    But maybe mothers do know best,
    I could never shake the feeling when you looked into my eyes,
    And asked me how I was and I just said 'fine.'

    I'm sorry momma, that I could never see
    The things that you were for me were everything to me,
    I bring them for the light so that anyone can see,
    These are the words I left unsaid,
    the words I left unsaid.

    You were a mother to me, but I'm the youngest of four,
    You were a sister to six and a friend to many more.
    A mentor, an editor, a believer in God,
    And a wife to the best dad a family could have.
    You were blessed for two years to know a grandson.
    And of all the things that are said and done,
    I still can't believe you're gone.
    I can't go a week without crying at night,
    Because I dont know what to do, and I regret what's not right.
    And I regret what I can't do, even though it's not my fight.
    Sometimes I think the only way is the one I'm afraid of,
    And if I'm lucky, I remember what I'm made of.
    But I will always be reminded of what you gave up,
    And the love you fabricated was never faked once.
    I know I dont have another chance to say it to you,
    But they say that prayers can carry, so here's my step 2:
    Dear God, please let my mom know of the words I left unsaid,
    And ask her to forgive her son, because she's the only mom I had.

    I'm sorry momma, that I could never see
    The things that you were for me were everything to me,
    I bring them for the light so that anyone can see,
    These are the words I left unsaid,
    the words I wish I said.

    And I just wanna be strong like you,
    And I just wanna keep on for you.

    Submitted on 2009-10-19 06:42:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can relate to this, in more ways then one. Attempted suicides I never tried, for one. Trying to put on a happy face when on the inside I was unbelievably hurting, for another. Leaving words unsaid is a big one, but the one thing I especially relate to is all the regret I feel for not appreciating those who were always there to help me, those who I took for granted, or at times even hated, but they thankfully never gave up and now, though it's too late to let them know, I'm so thankful.

    There's nothing wrong with crying but there's nothing wrong with letting go. You never forget things like this, even though it often hurts to remember. After a while you realise that this pain is necessary, that if this is what it takes to hold on to all the memories, you're willing to make the sacrifice. It's only when you accept all the pain that it finally starts to go away. But you never forget. Never.

    And now I'm just rambling on :)

    There's a lot of raw emotion in this, it's strong and brutally honest. It's as if you've poured your soul into these words, as I read it I can feel that you mean everything you've said. Just one small note, I'd advise you to read over this. There's a few small spelling mistakes, places where you've added an unintentional letter in your rush to write.

    Other than that, I love it. I'm sure it sounds even better with music, I'm humming it to my own tune as I read it :)

    Sorry about the huge wall of text :S I can't help myself.
    | Posted on 2009-10-20 00:00:00 | by Iffy | [ Reply to This ]

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