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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: this heatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: leper messiah
    ASL Info:    21~f~New England
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 197/249/38
    Words: 242
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Venting
    Total Views: 798
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1659



    Description:
       this is my first shot at lyrics, so be gentle please...i don't really know how to describe what i was feelin when i wrote all this...a combination of two completely different relationships, two completely different people, and how it all puddles into being a massive my-fault...so a third person, a third relationship--but i can't get away from the third one. again, feedback welcome but please be gentle! thanks
    latah~april


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthis heatdots
    -------------------------------------------


    this heat it embraces me so soon
    turning the stale air breath
    to fire...stillness rages in me
    Incapability of doing or getting done
    Never knew i'd turn out to be
    such a liar
    til i saw what despair really is
    my own perception wilted and taken
    made to derision
    clothes thrown back at a whore
    who's been used
    Always with a grin and we meet w/wide eyes
    thanks/or sorry for the business

    *chorus*
    You give me perpetual attrition
    the moments i can escape the sickness...

    Moving from one room to another
    only spreads the quickness
    If you were here
    would you be able to to breathe intermission
    would i feel better with you
    gazing at me naked body soul
    you might feel more than you came
    for...it wasn't for me
    but thats what you were given

    *chorus*
    You give me perpetual attrition
    the moments i can escape the sickness...

    But its makin me faint, drink
    weaker than the weakness
    around here the swelter of us
    pinned up on the 4 walls, try your best
    God i feel like screamin now
    You think you're trying hard but it
    kinda sounds like threats
    I'm gonna stop here because this
    fever of mine is melting all the ice
    Nightmare, backyard-shed...girls swear
    more tramps reek of blood-shed
    then i'm thick and its all over...

    *chorus*
    You give me perpetual attrition
    the moments i can escape the sickness...




    Submitted on 2004-07-20 22:05:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      some words for your words:
    powerful
    captivating
    exacting
    direct
    raw
    dangerous
    delicious
    girl, i be lovin your sweet ass and all you do! your intensity is inspiring and draining, does that make sense? cait <3
    | Posted on 2005-08-27 00:00:00 | by PhotoNegative | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm - Well I liked that raging silence thing - silence in your head does in fact rage sometimes. Anyhow, I was wondering if you'd made music to this before you wrote it - cuz I couldn't detect a rhythm to the lyrics, but then I never listen to Tori or Ani or any of that. Along those lines, as a practical matter mightn't the chorus be too short? Perhaps its repeated? I dunno - s'all good tho, the lyrics are good and all but since they're lyrics I'm curious about the music (ima lways curious about the music)(

    And I think that quote is from - who am I kidding i dunno [censored]. I think its time to put this dog down - thanx to the fine folks at Seagram's and whoever made this wonderful glass that doesn't mind if i drop it and seems to repel my dog. Right
    shard
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      Heat

    That IS what I got from this, but not just in the references you made throughout. This speaks almost of a resentment. Of pining for something that was there--something great--but now is gone, and the resulting pain. Like a remedy that fixed everything, but made all ten times worse when the perscription ran out. Unforseen side effects of love and loving and trusting and reveling in joy for just one ill-fated moment. The heat; the pain.

    I am not sure which two relationships you were referring to when you came up with this. Doesn't matter especially, when you get down to it. It is the heat. And the heat is the wind, and what do you say to something like that? Ya dig, sugah?

    I would like to hear the melody this goes to. Hear the rhythm of aching as it trembles from your lips. That is the only true means of appreciation. Aside from that it is words, beautiful and honest and somewhat awful in their agony. The poetry of loss and survival.

    Escaping the sickness.

    Have you? Even for just a moment? If so then it was worth it. For how many moments do we get? The brief times of freedom are the parents of memory in times far away, when you look back and say, "Yeah. That time was...Mmm. I remember. Yes. I remember..."

    You know what I mean. And those times are precious. Give meaning to the past. As Faulkner said once, "The past is never dead. It's not even past."

    This is good work, honey. Sing to me sometime. Sing like you used to--without words or melody or music. Sing with your soul again. To my own sickness. I miss that. And whenever I hear your voice anymore, it seems as though something is absent. And I blame myself for that. And you blame yourself for it. Be neither of us is to blame. It was the wind.

    And how do you respond to what cannot be helped?

    Loev you and love you,

    Aaron

    19
    | Posted on 2004-07-31 00:00:00 | by KrimsonReaper | [ Reply to This ]
      not usual song i agree. but a good one. becuz it does not rhyme totally you get an opportunity to look deeper into the song. great word choice, but confusing somewhere. well it can be becuz its been a hectic day, and i still have to write an article for the newspaper! anyways great write.

    Zu
    | Posted on 2004-07-26 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      i like what youve got going on here girl... its different... not your conventional i hate you/i love you kinda thing... i love the 'would you be able to breathe the intermission' part and also the idea od stillness raging... such contradicting ideas and yet they work so well... i really do wish there was some kinda way of hearing it the way you wrote it... have you got or do you intend on putting music to this? anyways i gotta jet... im sposed to be gone... so awesome write girl... i reckon you should DEFINATELY be writing more lyrics... ciao for now!
    | Posted on 2004-07-24 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Kristina is right.. it definitely has something Toriesque about it.. which in my books is probably one of the best things someone could say about lyrics...
    loved the line "would you be able to breathe intermission".. i love unconventional ideas like that..
    this whole piece is unconventional.. which is refreshing.. to see someone pushing the limits and trying something different.
    | Posted on 2004-07-24 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      hey I really like what you got going on with this piece, I guess maybe it helps that I am always always listening to music and I was wondering if you would mind if I played around with the piece a little? I have a few ideas here and there, and I would love to try and tweak it if thats ok with you? so let me know, if u dont want me t I totaly understand. -John
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
      you give me perpetual attrition...that line sang itself...it's always hard for me when i see the category "lyrics" because i immediately enter...create a beta mode and i.m really, really bad at that...i wish there was some sort of audio in here...so i take it back to the root and pretend you're labeling it poetry...ok...now it works...god i feel like screamin now...that line had a Tori feel to it...actually the whole thing had a Tori feel to it...could be on Strange Big Girls...lol...nice work!
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]


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