[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: To Him (as he sleeps)dots

    Author: dismal_s child
    ASL Info:    19/F/On A Carousel
    Elite Ratio:    3.24 - 451/419/172
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 759


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Him (as he sleeps)dots

    You are sprawled so lazily, pale in the darkness of our room,
    the dust-coated blinds block the sun from disturbing you.
    There are words of yours polluting the air,
    Like smoke or smog, making me cough,
    It's entirely unfair.
    Things I just can't understand,
    Doubts, and deductions, conclusions, so negative,
    But, I never hear an "I can't"
    Why must it be about me?
    My skills under the 'scope?
    You must have some faith in me!
    At least that's what I hope.
    Now you dream, so lazily.
    And I dream, so big.
    Tell me what dreams are made of,
    and I'll give you a kiss.
    You can't? Ha, I win!

    Submitted on 2009-10-22 14:22:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I really think by reading this, I now understand a little more why I sometimes wake to my wife starring daggers at me. Can't you all just let us sleep, that's all it is, nothing more nothing less?!?!

    Just kidding... kind of. I did like this post and agree, the end was the best.
    | Posted on 2010-02-02 00:00:00 | by Nicholas Lala | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt that it started out strong but then kind of fell off. it seemed like it was lost within itself. I will say the first eight lines are really good.
    | Posted on 2009-10-22 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Lol this was great. I loved it, at first it was ok, and moved in with a better understanding. Then the "You can't? Ha, I win!" Lol just awesome. Keep up the write, hope to read more.
    | Posted on 2009-10-22 00:00:00 | by KindredSpirit | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]