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    dots Submission Name: Exit Love, Enter Sorrowdots

    Author: Draigon
    ASL Info:    25/m/Al
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 164/196/91
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 792


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExit Love, Enter Sorrowdots

    Romantic scenes flashes
    on screens playing delutional dreams
    before the ravaged figure's eye,
    then it all turned to a lie.
    It was taken in the night,
    extinguishing the light.

    Hanging from the sky,
    love will surely die....
    extriguishing the flare forever
    happiness will come never.

    For him it died that day,
    the skies turned grey.
    The rain came down,
    like tears falling to the ground,
    much like a cresfallen shadow
    of a mortal being with no tomorrow.

    The emmence pain,
    is driving him insane
    nothing is ever the same,
    perhaps he will play the game
    and have another tomorrow.
    Nothing to lose except the sorrow.

    Submitted on 2009-10-25 18:40:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Channie is right, sometimes the search for a rhyme interferes with outpouring of your feeling words. Well, not a lot - this poem is very passionate and I love it!

    But if you love rhyme, check out some poets from history ... before free verse became "legal" ... because I believe they will delight you!

    I say that because you are writing (kind of desperately) in awkwardly rhyming couplets because you have a true feeling and seeking for the structure of verse; but (maybe like cooking) you could spend all your life discovering flavours that are already in a book to pick up in a few minutes ...

    You got spelling mistakes. Well that doesn't matter here, just like it didn't matter much until Dr Johnson published the first English dictionary two hundred years ago! But if you want to get all the spelling officially right, the only way to do it is work patiently with a dictionary whilst going over your first draft of a piece.

    I guess that all has little to do with sorrow. But any art gives its own joy, anyway!
    | Posted on 2010-08-10 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      the rhyming is rather forced, and sometimes nonexistent. i struggled to find the point and theme of this piece, and ended up skiming it at the end wanting it to be over.

    However the first and last verses showed some merit, and were okay.

    Im not sure what to say and i feel like my comment is rather harsh. i want you to know that i mean no harm by it, and wish it to be conveyed in the lightest and friendliest way.

    Uhh.. yeah...


    i dont know.

    | Posted on 2009-10-30 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very forlorn poem, as it should be. I hope with all of my heart that your light will be reignited if this poem should be referring to your own self. Dreadfully good, I read it several times over simply because I enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2009-10-27 00:00:00 | by halfjack | [ Reply to This ]

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