Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hear me crydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Depressed
    Total Views: 656
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 757



    Description:
       Listen..I am quiet..
    Can anyone hear me...
    Can anyone hear me cry...?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHear me crydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Listen, uttering am I the words of silence,
    Am I clear enough?
    Am I getting through?
    I am being silenced by no one.
    Tears are rolling down my cheeks.

    Can anyone hear me..

    Does love exist or life in itself does not exist.
    Is it that I have changed?
    Or is it that she changed me?
    I am alive, I know.
    I am but breathing..Why?

    Can anyone hear me..

    Hear me "S......" Hear me everyone.
    Love is no more as once I knew it was.
    I am dead but alive.
    Walking alone in a crowd.
    But do hear me as I smile...

    ...cause I am crying
    as I always was in life.
    as I always will in life.




    Submitted on 2009-10-26 02:25:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me of an odd movie I saw recently called Wristcutters: A Love Story. I don't know why, I guess it's the silence... odd poem. Very nicely odd.
    | Posted on 2009-10-26 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      It is very, well depressed. It seemed to me easy flowing, written for yourself, rather than for people on this site, but you submitted it anyways to share your soul with the world, and hope someone understands.

    Some of it i liked, others seemed very cliché, like i could find it in the poetry of anyone sad and crying out for help.

    The last 3 lines caught me by suprise, and i liked them very much. the poem i could give or take, depending on mood, and patience. but these lines, they are incredible and convey more emotion than the entire piece together.

    Lines i didnt quite understand:

    "Does love exist or life in itself does not exist."

    i think this line should probably be broken into two, more explanitory lines to show what you are trying to say, but that is up to you.

    "Hear me "S......" Hear me everyone."

    WHy "s"?
    I tryed to figure out what you are trying to do with the "s" here, and i am at loss.
    Are you trying to speak?
    What are you trying to say?

    Maybe i just wish for more explanation in this piece.

    Channie
    | Posted on 2009-10-26 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so my thought stream, but i cant let negative thoughts overtake me. i have to stay positive or i get lost in the darkness.
    dont get lost in the darkness man.
    | Posted on 2009-10-26 00:00:00 | by ghad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    179748

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Push written by JanePlane
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Wavelength written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Every..... written by jackz
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry