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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hear me crydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Depressed
    Total Views: 602
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 757



    Description:
       Listen..I am quiet..
    Can anyone hear me...
    Can anyone hear me cry...?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHear me crydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Listen, uttering am I the words of silence,
    Am I clear enough?
    Am I getting through?
    I am being silenced by no one.
    Tears are rolling down my cheeks.

    Can anyone hear me..

    Does love exist or life in itself does not exist.
    Is it that I have changed?
    Or is it that she changed me?
    I am alive, I know.
    I am but breathing..Why?

    Can anyone hear me..

    Hear me "S......" Hear me everyone.
    Love is no more as once I knew it was.
    I am dead but alive.
    Walking alone in a crowd.
    But do hear me as I smile...

    ...cause I am crying
    as I always was in life.
    as I always will in life.




    Submitted on 2009-10-26 02:25:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me of an odd movie I saw recently called Wristcutters: A Love Story. I don't know why, I guess it's the silence... odd poem. Very nicely odd.
    | Posted on 2009-10-26 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      It is very, well depressed. It seemed to me easy flowing, written for yourself, rather than for people on this site, but you submitted it anyways to share your soul with the world, and hope someone understands.

    Some of it i liked, others seemed very cliché, like i could find it in the poetry of anyone sad and crying out for help.

    The last 3 lines caught me by suprise, and i liked them very much. the poem i could give or take, depending on mood, and patience. but these lines, they are incredible and convey more emotion than the entire piece together.

    Lines i didnt quite understand:

    "Does love exist or life in itself does not exist."

    i think this line should probably be broken into two, more explanitory lines to show what you are trying to say, but that is up to you.

    "Hear me "S......" Hear me everyone."

    WHy "s"?
    I tryed to figure out what you are trying to do with the "s" here, and i am at loss.
    Are you trying to speak?
    What are you trying to say?

    Maybe i just wish for more explanation in this piece.

    Channie
    | Posted on 2009-10-26 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so my thought stream, but i cant let negative thoughts overtake me. i have to stay positive or i get lost in the darkness.
    dont get lost in the darkness man.
    | Posted on 2009-10-26 00:00:00 | by ghad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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