Had much on my mind lately so i'd figure it help to write it down, i've been deep thinking abit with not the best social results but thank goodness my friends know me enough and care enough to be there. Well here it is if it doesn't make sense to you...well oh well its not suppose to. Hrmmm ahem ive been told i treat him like a child, be him and a few of his close friends so we are on a sort of break you could say..he has a hard life hes stressed enough. so during this time i cryed the first day....oh did i. an then got over it on the second or so i tryed. then i talked to a very close friend about the matter a friend of mine thats never not been there. So I thought I thought more than I talked and somethings I thought about i didn't even care to put in words because it was just for me. I thought about my mother my childhood the feelings of being bulittled the sights of things i saw when i was little and how inocennt i was...and how compleletly not inocennt, i remember how i felt for my mom how i looked up to her. that higher power than you loved for being wise even when you dont see it.. though at the time i knew my thoughts and hers i always would prove mine to be right i even at one point told her,,, i didn't want to live with her because of the impact it would prove to have on my thinking. Back then i loved even if i knew they had black hole faults... but i still do that now of course.. whats different then,,, why.. i have always taken care of myself with cooking cleaning been independent because if I didn't get it for myself, i didnt have it.. i dont feel motherly like they say and it is giving my boyfriend even more issuses to deal with. I know i can change it, ive come to that i want to, motherly is tolerated and even liked. however in this case i may fight to much to be heard because im use to my mother how she is im use to having to much time, in my box ive made it nice over the years i put in it things that make me remember and an overall nice place but its become a trap for me now i feel as if im wasting time, my friends are making me smile and are my family, which is the most important thing to me along with school or not even that. just the hope of doing well and being able to provide for myself :] im going to make the change for the better i just hope i don't cross a line |
Submission Name: journal
