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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Coming Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SupposedlyHuman
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 5/3/6
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 340
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 667



    Description:
       This is a Tezra Rima with an interlocking rhyme scheme ending in a couplet.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Coming Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    On the day my father came back from war
    He sat in silence on his chair
    And didnít talk to us anymore.
    I asked him where heíd gone, he said he hadnít gone anywhere
    So I laid my head on his knee
    And he laid his hand upon my hair
    Two years later my mom asked what was she to he
    He tried to talk to say it all
    But nothing came, and he slumped quietly
    Heíll head back to War at the end of the fall
    I learned from a discarded letter
    He doesnít hear me, doesnít hear the call
    Iím sure he must, heíll come back better
    And weíll play like we did in summer weather





    Submitted on 2009-10-26 17:51:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Marvellous! Stupendous! a real A+++ poem on content right there!!! But that is only content, your poem seems to, if you will, lack flow in some instances and it seems a bit scattered even between "side- by- side" events and as well your grammar with punctuation is... lacking some... other than that, it's awesome!!
    | Posted on 2009-10-27 00:00:00 | by Plegias | [ Reply to This ]


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